~@~@aLwaYs aPpRecIate sUmones PreseNce in Life ~@~`@

2006-12-01T22:03:00.000+08:00

ku menanti ...
dan tetap trus menanti..
hingga kini..
dgn ketabahan hati..
ku mencari akan kesilapan diriku
selama ini yg tidak ku temui..

2006-10-05T18:13:00.000+08:00

at times trust build up...at times trust thrashed down..at times trust doesnt exist at all...

at times hx makes u pounder..at times hx makes u a wiser person ..at times hx makes u recall unfavourable moments

i jus feel it cant xpose me much

ImmMmmmmmMMm baCcCCccKkkkKkk

2006-09-12T04:01:00.000+08:00

woOooHooooOoo Im fnaLLy back with a total revamped of my blog....i love tis blog...I fnally decided to do sumting to my blog since i cant sleep e whole nite due to sleepin in e evening.....

To my dearie n Liana i oredy updated my blog hor....Sorie guys for not updating e post...Actualli im kinda tired to update eversince working...Gosh im getin lazier n lazier ....Its jus tat aint much tings to share lah....

Aneway jus a quick update.... Im down with this stuping runnin nose n sore throat damn it irritates me badly..wORST STILL i cant even hear clearly ...i tink my eardrum its affected....my voice was like u know "sengau" like e voice cumin out frm ur noice instead frm ur mouth...DamN....

Thou down wit tis viruses.... My weekend was wondaful spend sum time with my darLz.... we went dwn to Bugis .... n teres a converse saLe...fuhyoh...i love e shoes there... I kinda pester my darlin to choose one of e shoes....Jus feel like buyin for him tings...After trying out ...he dunt seem to like it...ten we continue walking thers a converse boutique ...i then pester him to try one of e shoes....ahakz... fnally he likes tat pair of shoes... I fnally realises my darling doesnt suit pastel color his more on dark colored... He really looked akward in that cream color shoes...Thank God thers black ...I felt so happy tat finally i gave him a gift.......I even bought for maself a wallet which is vry cute.... hehe....

As a wrapped up i enjoyed my weekend despite feelin weak on tat day.....Tats aLL folkz....i will not update my blog for tis few days cos im doin my nite duty...Damn im with my manager...Haizzzz for sure she will ask me to prepare e one week assignment...Wat a Luck...

2006-07-30T22:36:00.000+08:00

Finally goodness gracious im able to log in to e internet..."tanx" to my cuxin who went to mess up with my programs...last fri i was bloody pissed off...in need to check out certain tings in e internet wen i cudnt log in...I knew it was him cos e onli who used my lappie at home is him... i was like ***** at him all e way ... Its so **** wen u need to use it n ten it cock up...i was like DAMN....ten had to call e starhub hotline got tis bloody technical suport guy...bloody rude how wud i know where my tingy link ..if i knew it i wudnt asked help frm u stupid...my poor dearie have to wait for me while i tried to fix it wit tat damn operator...Unfortunately all e effort gone wasted...he even asked me to redownload e internet xplorer...i was like damn....reformat my lappie...OOO gash tere it goes my 2000 songs dwn e drain.i was to *** tat i decided to do nutin wit my lappy ....till i felt beta ten i will trial n error again....

I jus came back frm shopin with dearie at METRO...tanx to e voucher ...dearie n me bought sum stuffs for ourselves....as i sat in e kitchen 20 mins ago...fixing tis lappy of mine where it gone wrg...n yesh finally im able to log in....tanx allah syukur...kaLo tak habis lah duit ku tolak g repair lagik Uarghhh....

Serik n now im trying to change all my password even for guest.....im so happy able to log in again....yIpPeeEeE

2006-06-19T22:12:00.000+08:00

uwakzzzz ku kena tagged...terpaksa lah ku update blog ku...tanx to kak Jikus...takder kja ekh dia tagged org hehe....kaK jiKus Long time no c neh...maNa pergi??

7 stuff u want to know abt me(haiz lecehnya)
* bloody minded (ungkal lazi)
* happily engaged
* prefers simplicity
* chatty
* shopaholic (if i have all e money to spent)
* patience
* werking

7 things that scare me
* hantu (yeshhhh im penakut nak mampus)
* dogs ( phobia lah durin my sec sch times)
* roaches (euwww irritation species)
* death of my loved ones
* takut kna tinggal
* hospitalized ( kna tido srg2)
* my future

7 randoms music im listenin to at e moment
* Unfaithful - rhianna
* Buttons - Pussy cat dolls
* Run it - Chris brown
* Shakira - Hips dunt lie
* Santana ft Sean pauL - Cry baby cry
* Evanescence - Missing
* Kelly Clarkson - becoz of u

7 tings/person i like/love most
* my beloved granny (my darling)
* my fiancee
* chocs n more chocs yumm (rocher)
* books n magazines
* music
* chatting
* strolin dwn to e beach

7 tings i say e most
* ya aLLah
* masYallah
* ler
* teribengz (bising)
* byk colok (byk mulut)
* bismillah
* irritating species

7 ppl u wan to do tis
* Shasha
* Cikinz
* Julie
* Lina
* Hellraiser
* Agee
* Devilisha

2006-06-10T11:47:00.000+08:00

im finally back to update my blog...im laggin of ideas wat shud i xpress in tis blog..aneway i finally decided to update cos im damn bord at home...im dwn wit gastric tere goes my nite duty...argHHh i onli manage to do one nite...tanx to e mangga which i ate in emornin aft my nite duty....i will neva eva eat mangga earli in e mornin again....tanx to him....he brought me to e hospital n take all my nonsense...tanx dear...im sorry for being too stubborn...now no more on skipin medcine k....i promissssseeee....

for e past few weeks bein busy wit my preparation...finally alhamdulilah everyting goes welll...im too lazy too talk let e pics do e talkin k....to all my fwens whom i did not invite to my engagement day im vry sorry...cos is jus a small ceremony amg family...

issit imagination???

2006-04-16T01:13:00.000+08:00

ahakz finally im planting down on my blog after sumtimes i left it untouch...i did a makeover for my blog...kinda sick of my old block look greenish yelowish...now im back wit my dark color again...wit pics of pussy cat dolls...admire tem actuali..ahakz...

ok lets do sum flash back wat i did for e past few weeks...actuali buzy wit my own stuff aint have time to update...anyways nuttin interestin to pen down my thoughts...ok ok let me tell ya a story...last week im doin my nite duty...as usual i was making my round as i was walkin makin sure tey r still breathin actuali i was jus killin my time to distract me frm imagining tings...

as i was walking up n dwn...i finaly realised i ve forgoten to update my IHR..ten no choice damn i have to go out to e day counter cos im in e dormitory...i was scared actuali but i pushed myself to get out...as i walked dwn to e counter i remember vividly tat ive oredi swtched off e lite in e dr room ..so i was jus telin maself mitb my SN forgotten to switch it off ...as i passed by suddenly i felt tis funny feeling..goosebumps ...i walked as fast as i cud trying to ignore tos felin...i fnaly in e dorm...i sat dwn...suddenly i smelt of burning rice ...so i jus tot e cafe downstair was cookin...damn i jus happen to look at e watch its franticaly onli 2 am..impossible sumbody cookin...again tis bloody goosebumps...i jus take a deep breath n relaxed maself start doin my paper work...

out of sudden POM POM POm... it was quite loud so i dashed out tot my pt had a fall...make my rounds tey fast asleep...damn again goosebumps as i walked down e toilet makin my check...nobody ...so i decided to call over e othr side in case anetin hapen but tey told everytin was fine...ten abt 5am ...my SN came to make her round...she told me why did u swtch on e lite in e Dr room?? i was like HUH?? blurred ..i tot i oredi switch it off... i jus kept silent ...luckily it was my final nite...sat dwn for a while tinking issit my imagination or its for real...e nxt day ..met my coleq she was tellin me tat durin her nite she heard ppl knocking on e glass pane ters aint nobody.....ooo gosh as iam typing tis goosebump poping out...

2006-03-27T10:19:00.000+08:00

Faraway

tis times tis placed
Misused ,mistakes
toO Long too late
who was i to make U wait
jUz one chance
juz one breath
juz in cas juz thers one left
coz u know, u know ,u know

tat i loved you
i have loved u all along
and i miss u
been faraway for far too long
I keep dreaming you 'll be wit me
and u 'll never go
stop breathIn
if i dunt c u anemore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
coz wit u
I'd withstand
all of hell to hold ur hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anetin but I won't give up
Coz u know ,u know, u know

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But u know, u know, u know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay'
Coz I needed
I need to hear u say
Tat I love u
I hav loved u all along
And I forgive u
For being away for far too long
So keep breating
Coz I'm not leavin u anemore
Believe it
Hold on to me n neva let me go
Keep breathing
Coz I'm not leavin u anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me n never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me n neva let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me n never let me go

2006-03-19T23:17:00.000+08:00

im kinda bored actuali...jus feel like to keep maself occupied here i am updatin my blog...lots of tings happenin n changin in my life tis few mths...it jus happened wo me realisin...im glad n greatful for all e happiness pourin on me...

2006-03-15T19:44:00.000+08:00

i realy felt great today...however i realise bein silence is better....silence doesnt mean a loser...cudnt be bothered abt otha ppl life or stuff be it my family or loved ones...cos talk too much can end up havin great disagreement or friction...ended up ppl have e perception tat we r pushy or controlin teir life...so its beta to be quiet...talk onli wen necessary ...make my promise i will not talk too much even to my family or even loved ones..sumtimes in life u get sick of talkin...i rather kept silence...advice ppl if tey ask for it...if not JUS keep my MOUTH shut...

enuff abt tat...ermm jus now wen to Ngee Ann...send sum aplication...hopefully approve if not i will appeal or wait till nxt year...haiya reali felt sick n tired ...juss feel like takin my leave and go sumwhere alone...rest n peace of my mind...tot of takin leave nxt week ten go my aunt hse at jb...e kampung hse beta...vry relaxin...frsh air...away frm buzlin city..

2006-03-15T00:09:00.000+08:00

at times i felt tat im vry naggy...i knew it...i wunt nag wo a reason...sumtimes in life i feel tat to b nag its a gd ting but at times its just pissin us off...i jus dunno wat to advise him oredi...everytime nag still e same back to square one..im jus sick n tired of advisin n naging at himm...now im started to hav tis half hearted felin...i wudnt even bothered if he wanna do it his own way...let him do wat he wants...wait till sumting strike him...ten he will do all e flashback wats e naggin n advisin meant to him...jus prayin hard..tings will chg one day...not wen its too late for him to realise it...we can onli advise n nag basically its up to him to chg for good ...i guess if he tinks he love his loved ones n family..he will make an effort to chg...terefore if he didnt attempt any changes terefore i will know who am i in his life....

2006-03-07T03:11:00.000+08:00

ahakz im wide awake...lookin at e time tick tock tick tock its 3 am ...*ohno* ahakz nvm tomolo im on AL...sending my grandpa n aunt to e airport ...tey goin to umrah...uwakz gona miss my grandpa badly...thou sumtimes we had sum disagreement but still hes e best granddad...jus wishing him n my aunt having gd health upon reachin tere n able to perform teir prayers smoothly...

ahakz jus now online in pdr or pdc ekh...lupa ah e cortform...aneway if im wrg sorie abt tat... came across tis topic abt RELAKAH ANDA MNJADI 2nd wife....

as for me staunchly follow my heart NO NO NO in my dictionary ...cos i know how it feels...wen teir loved ones have to be share wit another women whom it used to be her own n now hav to be in pertnership....wen thru tis experience brought up in a dvorce family wherby both of tem have teir own family eventually...e matter of fact after tey get married tey wunt feel e lost of another partner BUT input tis in ur mind...e children sufferin badly...tey will feel lack of motherly luv if living wit father n vicee versa..its true sum may say tat tey have step mother but it wunt be e same...e felin is dift esp wen u r close wit ya mum...Jus imaggine how exhausted e child feel..tats wat i feel...(kinda side track a bit) back to e topic...being a 2nd wife is not easy u have to tink e social network surrounds u..thou u r not e root cause of e fallin of lovely home for sum cases...but e pressure will be on u...e blaming will continue...how long u can tolerate...we humans have our own limitations of tolerance...for tose who dcided to be e 2nd wife ...tink wisely no point regretin over a spill milk later on...its jus base frm true xperience frm my fwens whom maried as a 2nd wife...tey felt as if e whole world tumbling dwn...t3ir feelin r oways down unable to tink strait at times...

ANOTHER ISSue...if sumone were to ask me am im willin to allow my husband to remarry??? wat i can say ...i will jus leave it to faith...wat we plan it wunt be e way we want always...we have our ups n dwn...disatisfaction..ego...but if follow my heart i wudnt allow ...lets c which women in tis world willingly gving up teir loved ones to other party who came in half way ur lovely family...if tere is i wud personally wanna meet e lady.....sumtimes we have to tink rationale....why our huby wanna remary tere mus be a reason behind it...isit our fault aint takin well on his welbeing or cud it be possibly we cant produce babies??u see wen it cums to tis we have tink reasonably...for every man a desirable to have kids of teir own wen married is vry xpected..it wunt be e same of havin adopted child...as a women n wife we must undastand tem n try to find solutions behind evry disatisfaction in tem...tis will help to bloom e relationship btw e both of ya...both party have to be reasonable ...it jus crack in my brain moment ago...if women cant bear a child tey aint no choice to allow e hubby to remary in certain instances...wat abt if e men is impotent???wud tey allow teir wife to marry to otha men???

2006-03-03T20:50:00.000+08:00

wat is haPpiness???

to be HAPPY with ur loved ones.... treasure every bits n moments wen ur together..understand teir feelin care for teir wellbeing..respect his or her decison...be rationale

to be HAPPY in ur future ...educates urself wit proper education terefore gain urself wit good prospect n job security...

to be HAPPY in life... strive urself for e best in wateva u do...be optimistic
and perseverance is e key to sucess...

sLeepinG day

2006-03-03T15:08:00.000+08:00

yawNzz...fNaLLy today my sLepin day...afTer werKin 2 nite....my eyes oredi like buahluku...uwakzzz...mY first nit was absolutely superb all my pt were asleep no problems...e nite went vry smoothly ... managed to do all my werk wo any disturbances..

e 2 nd nite was atrocious barely sit ...halp of e patientt are wide awake...always have to chase tem out frm e toilet to go n sleep...i have to retie all e restrainer cos tey managed to release temselves...tat nite itself earlier part tey have a bday clebration had all e cakes...it ended up 5 of my pt havin diarrhoea...whole nite bz changing pampers n moping e floor due to teir incontinence...wat an xperience... alhamdulilah teres no major problem...i will jus pray hard it wunt happen durin my time...

2006-02-27T21:01:00.000+08:00

CasTinG bacK waT i dId LasT sUn...
weN to kaK meIra weddIng...Like her decOration vry sImple and eLegant esp her pelamin...sHes Lookin gOrgeoUs n superB haha...anewaY cOngrats to her...dah jadI isteri orG....we Knocked off earlier cos we dcided to watch movie n do some shopin for ourself for e day to come...

went tO PS.e queue to0 long ten e seats r onli available at e frnt row vry sickenin...we teN fnaLy dcided to gO to bUgis to watcH fNal destinatiOn 3... fOr a movie bite I gve 3 pOpcOrns...not taT bad but still prefer e preVious one...whiLe waitIng for e Movie to sTart we weNt rOund to sHop all e necessAry itemS...2 items r dowN..mOre to gO...haIz so maNy tinGs to buy n prePare...fOr e first tIme in mY life i feLt vry tired going shoPin...i learnt one tinG abT hiM weN cum chOsing items fOr himseLf his kinda fUssy too...aHaKz anewaY i haV fUn shopIn wit him thOu after whOle day shOpin we maNaged to get 2 items pathetic rite cOs im oredi exhausted...haha partly im also vry choosy hehe...sorry dear...ksIan dia baNkrupt dbuatnya...jgN maraH ekH naNti cpat tua tau dear gaga... *wink*

2006-02-23T00:21:00.000+08:00

feel weirD...
feeL dIffereNt
seNse of insecUrity
lil bit jealousy....
haLf heaRted..
wOrrIed...
cOnfused...
sAD...
HuRT aT tImeS...
aDDicted tO him...

emOtioNs jus keePs on rUmbling...
Juz praYing hard everYtinG will be jus fine....

3rd entry of e day

2006-02-19T21:10:00.000+08:00

hahaha... Im damn blardy bored...jus kept updatin my entry tis will be my third one of e day...haha...jus fnish updatin another blog of mine which is kinda personal...which i always vent wateva i feel n dunt want to be share by anyone...One whole day im at home..doin nutin jus happen to fnish ironin my clothes ...sat in front of my laptop surf e net...bloghop n bloghop...tats all i did e whole day

sumtiNg true abt saGitarian...it reflects on me...

2006-02-19T20:27:00.000+08:00

sUmtinG true abT saGitarian...It does reflects on me...got tis frm one of website...

A gal who loves social life & curious about every new progress, new development to make sure she is in the era & always have all updated information. SHe likes to know what is the latest trend of fashion & make sure she is not out of style. There is a few Sagi who is a private person as well, but u could see that she will be ahead of her friends. sHe will know the hottest movies showing now, she must have already seen it. sHe hates routine, it makes her bored. sHe likes to get to her goals & succeeds in doing so is her true reward. Money making is ok but it's not her true joy, for she can easily spent them in a short while. They say if u want the truth, go & ask Sagi. They are right, u can ask her & she will tell u all the truth & very straightforward. Though she may speak bluntly, her friends loves her. If u have problems, all your friends may feel sorry for u, but Sagi will be the one who will give u a helping hand first & even expect no return favor. That's why she's a real charmer even when she's sometimes a big mouth. When she is mad, she can be quite fierce but quickly dissolve & easily forgot. sHe is not a person who will take revenge, so if she says she's going to burn down your house, u can relax.If she knows u are not sincere, u will be totally meaningless to her. Some Sagi are gifted musician, or singer. sHe is a happy soul, has a good humor & has lots of jokes. sHe loves freedom, lively & very energetic. If she is working, she will take on her job seriously. sHe likes to travel, likes to see new exciting places. Going out or travelling make her happy. Sagi gal is like a free bird. sHe lives as if everyday is Sunday. sHe will hardly be in a bad mood but if she is in a bad mood, u will better leave her sight. If u want to talk to her in such a mood, try to avoid issue of commenting her life.

weekrnd Post

2006-02-19T13:08:00.000+08:00

Sat

weNt for my ex classmate chalet bday bash...had a wondaful time down tere...eat till full..drink untill bloated...its been a tremendous day for me as it been abt 4 yrs since i last met some of tem...most of us have chg frm outlook to personality ...sum oredi graduated ,werkin etc...The host did a great job...tey did entertain thou tey r buzy wit other guest... I tot of jus hostin e pic but damn sumting wrg wit my usb port ishh...I will update e pics later part...we Ledt e place abt ten plus after e cuttin of cake...yum yum super delicious frm secret receipe...

Ten me n hairun tumpang a cab wit cikin till pasir ris mrt,...ten we go on seperate ways...i went to meet hIm...aint no choice cos hes werkin today terefore we dcided to meet ysetday midnite...tot of catchin up movie but too late...

as for tOday as i jus read e BH...i like to read e segmen wherby tey talk abt tis perkahwinan tingy... i happen to read e part wherby gubahan for pertunangan...it seems tat if e guy side gvin e gal 9 items thrfore in reture e gal have to gve back 11 items to e guy... e items must be gven in an odd number... Guess wat now e ranging for hantaran is btw 5k up to 10k... it all depends on e status of e gal...e educated she is e higher e hantaran..nowadays it seems tat min for hantaran last heard was 6k...not less tan tat...U see to get married is not easy more tings to discuss before u step into tis marriage life...e preparation itself will takes sumtimees...e cost for everytin...haiz more to tink ...U need to budget urself...

paticular incident

2006-02-17T17:33:00.000+08:00

im back again to update my entry...nuttin much to say actuali jus wanna share tis incident...On tis particular day i was in down for a mornin shift duty...I hate it cos i will be for sure late cos of tat bloody bus...no matter how early u r ...e bus will always be late...damn i will always be e last one to reach...Ok back to e story...i was damn late waited for e bus for 45 mins n yet nowhere to be seen...sO i dcided to tak cab...i was on civilian...as i sat in i said to e taxi driver to brg me to woodbridge hospital...he immediately turn ard n give me tis one look...I felt reali akward as if im like a criminal...as he drove ...i noticed he kept adjustin his front mirror n kept peepin at e mirror...I was reali felin uncomfortable wit it...therfore i decided to talk to him..asKed him abt hows his work and so forth..he seemed to be reluctant to talk to me...So i thought he was not in e mood..so i kept quiet again bfore starting a conversation again...as usual im e chatty type who like to talk to e taxi driver...U know wat we stopped at e junction n he turned ard he told me dunt wory we will reach e hospital soon n u can take ur medication...I was like so shocked n terrified of his words...it reali change my mood...i told him off tat im not a patient n not tere to seek for treatment instead im goin tere to provide therapeutic treatmet to e patient...He ten kept quiet n he bgan to start a conversation by sayin sorry...i was like cant be bother ten after e taxi driver impression earlier...He ten stopped lookin at e mirror...He ten asked... why young nurse like u werk tere? wait u also be like tem... i answered him it lies within ur ownself if u wanna act like one u will be like one...e reason i choose WH sumtin tat is dift frm other hospital which u cant find...WH is a place wit a speciality onli certain staff are capable to work tere..WH is a place wherby u realy know ur patient vry well inside out...whereby in acute hospital u dunt reali have ample time to spend ur time wit ur own patient to understand teir need...he ten kept silent all e way till we reach WH...wen i abt to get out ...he said to me...U must be e special person who able to tackle tem..God is gracious to send nurses like u ppl to work here at least teres still ppl who care for tem thou tey r mentally unsound...I jus smile n tell him tat every human being born in tis world have teir own speciality n uniqueness in tem...

reVamP of my bLog

2006-02-10T22:32:00.000+08:00

yeah got back earli...Im daMn bLody bord...after blOg hOp...tot of changin e skin jus spur into my mind...here i am... i fnaLy revaMp mY bLogskIn after a PeriOd ot tIme havIn my skInz to be darK gOthic...i decIded tO chG e tasTe to sUmting taT is eYe caTchIng...sUmting tat is vIbrant...wOohOo...after aN hr bLog HuntIng fnaLy i captUre tis skIn...Im atracted to its Unique laYout...haha sumtIn whic i find it dift...thOu e cOlor is kInda grenisH n yeLowis nOt my type hOwever ermm nOt bad afteraLL...I get used tO e coLor thou...It jUs took me abT haLf an hr to comPlete tIs bLog...I hOpe i caN keeP tis skIn for at least a mtH or sO...bfore I wiLL do my blog huntIng agaIn...wOoOhoOo.... anY cOmments for mY new bLog???esP must get sum coMents frm ma darLin...he wiLL for sure hav sUmtinG to saY....

thoughts of mY mind

2006-02-09T19:29:00.000+08:00

im finaLy back to update my entry...after beinG buzzed by my fwens like bustling bees...ermm today i got an MC havin tis stomach flu ...It started frm my uncle lah...Ishh he brings tis bloody sickness to me..it affected almost e whole family...im felin much beta after takin e medication...

as im lyin on my bed it jus cross upon my mind...stare across d ceiling blankly...skali e word "pertunangan" or in english term known as ngagement..wat actuali does it mean???issit a must to weN thru e stage of pertunangan bfore we embark into marriage life??wats e ting tat we need to prepare for engagement??wat shud be gven??wats e necessary items tats needed?

it reali takes me sumtimes to fnally get e whole answer for every question tat i doubt for....n im still lookin for e ans...as i browse thru e net...i still have not find e strong base of e term of ngagement...i still searchin for it n i hope i will find e answers to every qns tat i doubt for...I need sum comments frm u guys...

Ok lets skip e topic on tat...do u guys know abt any other religions beside Muslim,Chrsitianity,Budhism,Catholic,taoIst,Hinduism???Have u ever heard abt a religion known as Jehovah witnesses??Indeed a unique name of a religion arnt tey...DO u knows its existence??i dunt even know teres such religion till i came across a patient whos religion is jehovah witnesses...terefor i was curius abt it aint know its existence i wen to make a research on my own...Ironicaly its exist...so dumb of me aint know such religion exist..I went to tis website to know more abt tem in detail abt how tey copin about iLl health...One ting i learnt tat e jeHovah witnesses does not accept blood transfusion eventhough up to ur death bed...thou i find it ridiculous initiali hows ever i realise tat is e fact abt teir religion...As a nurse u must respect other religion thou u find it ought...However after readin thru e websit im still keen to know more abt teir unique religions...sincerely i wanna wats teir DOs n DONTs...if any1 of u happen to have a fwen who is jehovah witnesses do leave me sum comments...

maLam sYura..10 mUharam

2006-02-09T19:00:00.000+08:00

hari inI jatuh tanggal 10 haribulan muharram...ia adalah hari yg istimewa..di dalam bulan muharram terdapat satu hari yg dnamakan HARI ASYURA ia jatuh pada 10 haribulan muharram...ia dipanggil ASYURA kerana ia jatuh pada hari yg kesepuluh....

Ia dianggaP hari yg istema dan besar bagi Umat ISLAm...Pada hari ini terselah byk sejarah istimewa yg terkandun dijadikan sbgai contoh teladan yg mencerminkan kemenanGan dan kegemiLangan baG pejuang2 yg gigih dan tabah utk menegakkan kebenaran dan keadilan di sampin peristwa yg dpt mengerakkan hati umat ISLAM agar mensyukuri nikmat ALLAH yg tiada terhingga banyaknya...

Dalam kitab I`ânah At-Thâlibîn menyebutkan bahawa peristiwa yang terjadi pada hari itu ialah :

~Nabi Adam `Alaihissalam bertaubat kepada Allah dan taubatnya diterima sehingga dia bersih daripada dosa dan kesalahan.

~Nabi Idris `Alaihissalam diangkat oleh Allah ke tempat yang tinggi.

~Nabi Nuh `Alaihissalam diselamatkan Allah keluar
dari perahunya,sesudahbumi tenggalam selama enam bulan.

~Nabi Ibrahim `Alaihissalam diselamatkan Allah daripada api Raja Namrud.
Allah menurunkan kitab Taurat kepada Nabi Musa `Alaihissalam.

~Nabi Yusuf `Alaihissalam dibebaskan dari penjara Mesir, setelah meringkuk selama beberapa tahun akibat fitnah Siti Zulaikha.

~Pandangan Nabi Ya'kub Alaihissalam yang kabur dipulihkan Allah kembali sehingga dia dapat melihat dengan jelas.

~Nabi Ayub `Alaihissalam disembuhkan Allah daripada sejenis penyakit kulit yang dideritainya

~Nabi Yunus `Alaihissalam selamat keluar dari perut ikan Nun yang besar setelah berada di dalamnya selama empat puluh hari empat puluh malam.

~Laut Merah terbelah dua untuk menyelamatkan Nabi Musa Alaihissalam dan pengikut-pengikutnya daripada dikejar oleh Fir`aun.

~Kesalahan Nabi Daud `Alaihissalam diampuni Allah.

~Nabi Sulaiman `Alaihissalam dikurniakan Allah sebuah kerajaan yang besar.

~Hari pertama Allah menciptakan alam.

~Hari pertama Allah menurunkan rahmat.

~Hari pertama Allah menurunkan hujan dari langit

~Allah menjadikan `Arasy.

~Allah menjadikan Lauh Mahfuzh.

~Allah menjadikan Qalam.

~Allah menjadikan Malaikat Jibril

~Nabi Isa `Alaihissalam diangkat ke langit.

Asyura - Abul-Laits Asssamarqandi meriwayatkan dengan sanadnya dari Ibnu Abbas r.a berkata: Nabi SAW. bersabda yang bermaksud; Barangsiapa yang berpuasa pada hari Asyura yakni 10 Muharram, maka Allah akan memberikan kepadanya pahala 10,000 malaikat; dan barangsiapa yang puasa pada hari Asyura, maka akan diberikan pahala 10, 000 orang Haji dan Umrah, dan 10, 000 orang mati syahid; dan siapa yang mengusap kepala anak yatim pada hari Asyura, maka setiap helai rambut Allah akan menaikkan satu darjat. Dan barangsiapa yang memberi makan buka puasa seorang mukmin yang berpuasa pada hari Asyura, maka seolah-olah memberi buka puasa semua umat Muhammad SAW. dan mengenyangkan perut mereka.

Sahabat bertanya; Ya, Rasulullah, Allah telah melebihkan hari Asyura dari lain-lain hari.

Jawab Rasulullah: Benar!.

Allah telah menjadikan langit dan bumi pada hari Asyura;
dan menjadikan Adam juga Hawa pada hari Asyura;
dan menjadikan Syurga serta memasukkan Adam di syurga pada hari Asyura ;
dan dilahirkan Ibrahim a.s. pada pada hari Asyura;
dan menenggelamkan Fir'aun pada hari Asyura;
dan menyembuhkan bala Nabi Ayyub pada hari Asyura;
dan Allah memberi taubat kepada Adam pada hari Asyura;
dan diampunkan dosa Nabi Daud pada hari Asyura;
dan juga kembalinya kerajaan Nabi Sulaiman pada hari Asyura;
dan akan terjadi Qiyamat pada hari Asyura

feeL sicK

2006-01-30T11:56:00.000+08:00

Im bacK agaIn...its been sumtimes since ive last updated...been werkin my ass out...doin fine n great...dragin maself to work each day...yestday i hav to work as usual ...in e mornin shift thou...tiring as i have to cover both wards ...lack of manpower...nuttin much to say actuali jus kinda feel sad to tos patients of mine none of teir relatives came to vsit tem...Most of tem in e state of an emotional mood..xcept for one keeps on shoutin..My ear drum soon gonna burst wit her shouting evryday...sUmtimes i hav to be firm wit tem..tey r manipulative ..wen seeing tem bein tied down i felt vry sad cos most of tem are elderly..i aint no choice...tats my duty...yestday after werk he came dwn to fetch me ...we went to my fren ngagement day...vry simple n sweet...i like it ...aint too much unnecessary tings...we stayed tere less tan ten mins..jus show my presence cos kinda tired thou rushed tere..pity my darlin cos none of my guy fwens were ard probably tey came later...so we make a moved ten we headed to doby gaut ...FIsh n cO here i come haha..njoy seafood platter n fried calamari..yUm yum...i ate till i almost puke..by teN i felt sumtin is not right...i started to feel cold sweat...we ten sat for a while bfore we headed back home...cancel our plan to watch geisha..cos i tot it will be too late cos im werkin e nxt day...

Today supposingly i on morNin duty...I felt reali vry weak n sick...aInt no choice hav to tak mc ..Uwakkzz mY pH gone...argHh why must i get sick durin my ph werkin days...stupid sickness..if not i can enjoy my long weekend nxt wk..haIz...havin tis bad sorthroat n flu...e medication doesnt help much...it keeps on ozing out ..Yuckxzz i hate it...tos yelowish fluid..as im typin it keeps on drolin hav to stuck e tissue in my nose..haiz 1 boxes oredi...vry e sian...if i get betta tan tot of goin out watch movie wit him..ermm im afraid will get him infected ...ermm stil wondaring shud i or shud not..???ermm but tis e only moment i can spent time wit him ..his werkin in pm shift so onli once a wk or prob 2 wks once ten i got a chanc to meet him..*sadder*

thanK god i found you

2006-01-26T19:46:00.000+08:00

I would give up ev'rything
Before I'd separate myself from you
After so much suffering
I fin'ly found unvarnished truth
I was all by myself for the longest time
So cold inside
And the hurt from the heartache would not subside
I felt like dying
Until you saved my life

(Chorus 1:)
Thank God I found you
I was lost without you
My ev'ry wish and ev'ry dream
Somehow became reality
When you brought the sunlight
Completed my whole life
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude'
Cause, baby, I'm so thankful I found you

I will give you ev'rything
There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do
To ensure your happiness
I cherish ev'ry part of you'
Cause, without you beside me, I can't surive
Don't want to try
I'f you're keeping me warm each and ev'ry night
I'll be all right'
Cause I need you in my life

(Repeat chorus 1)
(Bridge:)
See, I was so desolate
Before you came to me
Looking back, I guess
It shows that we were destined to shine
After the rain to appreciate
The gift of what we have
And I'd go through it all over again
To be able to feel this way

(Chorus 2:)
Thank God I found you
I was lost without you
My ev'ry wish and ev'ry dream
Somehow became reality
When you brought the sunlight
Completed my whole life
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
Sweet baby, I'm so thankful I found you

Thank God I found you
I was lost without you
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
My baby, I'm so thankful I found you

I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
My baby, I'm so thankful I found you

waLk n waLk

2006-01-23T21:14:00.000+08:00

tired Of walking today... reached home abt 8 plus...fnish e stupid course abt 6...it took up e whole day...e course its more abt foundation course for newly NHG members...basically e topics covered more on religion...after wen through e whole course...mOst of us felt e course was ridiculous...we didnt benefit anetin much frm e various speakers of religions...a percentage of 90 % totaly ran out of e topics...feeL damn bored n sicked sitin insIde tat tutorial lecture..my mind totally switched off...buzy sms my darlin which i felt beta tan listenin to e speaker..it was held at keNt ridge wIng NHG college...sianz still hav to come back on e 8th for another programme...I hope it wiLL be good...

weNt makan at baNquet yUm yum... ate my fav nasI ayam...superb delicious...haha still craving for it...ten walked past fish n co oOo gosh i was craving for e seafood platter...erMm my pay day im goin to drag my darlin to hav our lunch or diner tere..caNt wait for it...aint sure wats wrg wit me tis day keeps on cravin for sometin...we ten window shopin for bags n clothes...erm nuttin attracted me so far xcept tis particular bag..hehe im gona get it on my pay woOohOOo...

sleepy

2006-01-22T22:54:00.000+08:00

yawnzz..im tired to e max today...all e way wit my preceptor...shes assesing me from e "e" trolley to hypocount to infection control n last but not least to end e lesson wit her is wound dresing... oO gosh i almost forgoten all my teori n rationale behind all e tings tat we wen through... basically im e practical person aint stuff teori in my brain it will be depreciate as soon as 1 week..aLhamdulilah she satisfied wit my practical esp on dresin..im competent to do on my own wo her supervision...haiyo i reali feel like im a student...wat to do cant help it shes my preceptor for e entire 3 mths...later ive to read up on my notes again..got a teori n practical test in two weeks time...n have to go for tat stupid talk n 'e' learnin...

today so much of drama happenin..as my preceptor was e in charge for e day...tos ppl always climb over our head esp wen shes on duty...cos she will pamper tem...gve wat tey want...tats wat e rest of e staff dunt seem to like her way cos later on if shes not ard ..we will get a hell out of it...tey wiill throw tantrum if doesnt meet teir demand....esp tis 2 attention seeker...tey will scream ,yell continous for 15 min subsequent intermitent...i jus cant imagine how tey manage to bear tos noice..frankly i couldnt tolerate but aint no choice feel like insertin cotton wools insde my ear..kinda stresin cos our authority will ten blame us for not kepin tem ocupied...its not tat we dunt want to keep tem company we have our own task to accomplish which is more essential...

i realised thou by creating games for tem doesnt show any effects...each n every day i cracked my brain bfore enterin my werk place to plan structures activities for tem...i totali run out of idea...now i have to go n do my own research to find ways to create a beta way to occupy tem...worst ting im a planner for structured actvities...daMn where e hack i hav to search all tese new ideas...i must go to e library to check out new art n craft for tem...

enUff abt my werk...it will make me stress...lets recolect wat i hav been doing at home...nuttin much more on my chores..ermmm im jus missing him badly tats all..counting my days to meet him...a week more to go...how i wish e time flies fast...cant wait it feels like been ages since i last met him...miss his clumsy character which tickles me...enjoys his companionship wen we r together..appreciate e love he showers me...so much so cant bear to leave him wen we r together...

i reaLise....

2006-01-20T12:32:00.000+08:00

aS i lie on ma bed yestday bfore i knOck off...jus did sum reflection of maself...in e past it has always being a principle of mine to be helpful , kind n chatty to my close ones or even stranger..i was born to have tat kind of character...For tose who r sad at least wit our chaty personality will help tem to brush off teir sadnees to hapines..for tos who r in need of help ..i wud at least able to share my views n efforts in helpin to find a solution...which cud at least lighten their burden... but fnaLLy i realise tat doing all tis tings u have to side a limitation be it frens ,strangers or whoever it may concern...i cud still recal vividly my mum advising me to help ppl onli wen tey ask for help cos she told me im too gd to ppl n bare in mind my kindness might not be apreciate .i plainly ignore her advise cos i hold on to my prinsip of life .. i follow my heart n i neva once ask for any repay for everytin good deeds ive done..infact i feel happy for tem if it turns out well...

however few incidences had make me realise tat her advise was for real...ppl underestimate my help n lead to som unforseen circumstances...it gives me a knock in my head...i fnally realised tat no point gvin help to tos ppl who never voice out cos it might lead to uncertainties which cud hurt ur felin...its gd to be quiet n talk wen necessary...it makes me realise to tink wisely to talk n even to help...cos u wunt know e outcomes if u did say any unnecessary tings...

negLigence in ur work will lead to a stike off frm ur license

2006-01-19T23:22:00.000+08:00

it has been ages since i last read newspaper...I was told by kaK ninie tat a Sn was sued for negligence due to gving wrg medication tat cause allergy..if im not mistaken of e cause of it... partLy i feel shes not wrg u juz imagine 1 Sn to 18o old folks...Geratic patient tey r demandin n sensativ...its not easy to handle...imagine have to remember 180 patient medication n teir drug allergy... true enuff we have our IMR to countercheck e presrciption medication n drug allergy but still if u r bein distracted for jus a moment u might have e tendency to forget certain tings ...our brain are not formated nor program in such a way tat we could hold on to all e info in our brain ...we neither a thumbdrive...even computer itsef has teir own limited storage disk...wat abt human??we r jus ordinary people our brain function at such a limit we cant jus dump all info in our brain within a day...I wonda wat kind of a system is e hospital havin...e management was totaly disorganize..how could tey employ one SN onli ???r tey cuttin e cost or wat???even in acute hosptal attending to 12 patient its a major stress to e nurses...

thOu partly shes wrg in tis case cos of negligence as it leads to patient death her license have to be strike out frm SNB...i sympathize on her cos her rice bowl have been ruined..but wats done is done...death of a loved ones for negligency ought to be punish...i undastand her werkin stuation but nutin can be done now..

brOken

2006-01-19T22:41:00.000+08:00

I wanted to know, I love the way you laugh
I want to hold you high, and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph, and I know it serves me well
I want to hold you high, and steal your pain.'

Coz I'm broken, when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away.

You gotta win, you don't feel me anymore.

The worst is over now, and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, and steal my pain away
There is so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high, and steal your pain.'

Coz Im broken, when I'm open
And I feel like that I'm strong enough'
Coz I'm broken, when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away.'

Coz I'm broken, when I'm open
And I don't feel like that I'm strong enough'
Coz I'm broken, when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away.'

Coz I'm broken, when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away.'

Coz I'm broken, when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone

You gotta win, you don't feel me anymore.
search

wat a day....

2006-01-18T17:56:00.000+08:00

yeah... im fnaLy in e mornin shift after two days of afternoon...kinda tired thou esp yest went back late cos my SN passed e damn report super slow...anOther ting i realise shes super blur n vry e "kanchong" ...wah seh beh tahan...e tIng is everyting she wants tings to be done fast n easily agitated..wah Lao wat she xpect frm me to know every ting at e tips of my finga nails to remind her for all TCU n patients behaviour..like tat might as well i b a secretary ...simply glued her damn butt at e chair n instruct everytin n remind her ...evry ten mins she will be gone for a break...here me n e students struglin wit e pt..she simpli MIA..argHh today also same shift wit her... e saMe ting as usual glued herself at e chair n ask for report...no wOnda e old Snr SN luv to werk tere simply sit n write report...shes onli available wen servin medication..tat mus also be reminded...haIya.. i will "die" werkin wit tis woman...

tOday tis mornin...she scream n yell at me n e PCA for no reasOn..i guess teres a chemical imbalance in her brain...tOo much of dorpamin i guess...after scoldin me like shit..later part in e aft..she came to me n gaVe me a pkt of chocs n she asked me why my face look angry n stress...???i feel like jus saying on her face tat she reali make me one hell bside e pt instead of helpin me wen e pt almost assaulted me...she simply writing her report which is nothing wen i flip thru e casenotes..waT e **** shes writin..I was glad wit e ITe student able to help me to tackle e stuation...taNk aLLah for answerin my prayer...wit e stuation i will learn to be more tactful in handlin tem...

haIz one more day to werk bfore my off day...looking forward at it...but kinda sad thou my off day i cudnt meet him...cos he have to werk..hes on e aft shift..haiz...it means it will be 2 wks ten i got a chance to meet him whic is on nxt sun cos tis wkend i hav to work aft duty..vry sIan ...i reali miss spendin time wit him...i hate to werk aft vry bored..but aint no choice...burge maself to werk ..

afternOon shift

2006-01-16T23:03:00.000+08:00

uwaKzzz i sPrain my ankle...taNx to my "wondaful" patient....waH seh i werk ter reaLi maKan ati ulam jaNtunG...but wat to do i hav to bear e consequences cos im e one who opted for tat hospital...actuali werkin tere is not tat bad either its jus tat e hospital is lack of staff...jus imagine if 1 patient is sent for TCU a trained staff hav to go along wit tem...it will left wit e 2 staff on duty and wat if 1 of tem take MC...oOo gosh cant imagine i will keep my finga cross tat it wunt happen to me n yet it happen...jUs now i was on my aft duty initial we have 3 staff on duty ...Unfortunately we got 1 pt for TCU no choice we r down wit 2...supposingly i have to send e case but due to certain circumstances im unable to send cos its vry xpensive of tem to send an enroled nurse ...e reason tey send e health attendant is bcos tey wunt loose anetin wo tem unlike e EN which can be versatile to do health attendant job....

U see being an EN is not easy u have to do multiple task..U have to help to serve medication if e SN on course...I was alone in my ward today cos my SN hav to go for e talk...I was like daMN ...im all alone wit 48 of tem...I have to do tis n tat...kinda stress out cos i hav to serve diet n do my nursin care too...but alhamdulilah im able to manage it quite well ...its jus tat i sprain my ankle...tanx to tem...as tey know im new in tat ward tey r tryin to test my patient n tactfullness in dealin wit tem...tey r vry manupulative...Once my SN out of e ward tey create a "wayang" for me...Shout lah show tantrum almost throwin a chair...luckily im fast to react if not tere will be a deep cut on my head...no matter wat circumstances n obstacles i went through i treat it as an xperience for me...so i will be more tactful n vigilant in handlin tem...

2006-01-15T23:28:00.000+08:00

tOday so happy i meet mY darling its been 4 days since i last met him...reaLi miss him...His now on aft shift whereas me my shift is Like 'rojak'..so wenever ters every opportunity to meet him i will treasure tos moments fruitfuly...

inItialy we wanted to watch movie "derailed" e show was at 6 30...sO we decided to take a walk first bfore buyin e tix cos it was far too earli...we make a walk down e so call beach at e esplanade...nice aroma of e sea water wondaful breeze...we sat down by e bench to njoy e moment...aLmost 6 we still haven make our way back to marina...haiya ten we cancelled off our plan n decided to go bugis to have our diner..yUm2 nice lei e chicken rice tat i ve been craving for almost a week......

Later part abt ten plus we sat dwn at one of e cofee shop cos hes hungry wanted to eat prata... so as we sat down ...ive been observing teres a lot of pakcik2 ,indo,sarawak frm all walks of life i guess...as he was eatin ters a grp bside us drinking...i dunt reali bother actuali but wat makes me jus cross my mind was tos pakcik2 ...still drinking like tere is no other day...im not tryin to be so pious cos i know myself i aint an angel at all...i do have my own sin but wat i feel at tis old age it wud best if u spent ur days at sjadah or mosque do sumting tat is beneficial for urself ....for e young ones its undastandable n xceptional if tey r flirting ard...e older ones shud set a gd example.... Kubur panggiL marI ...rUmah kata naNti...masYallah i hope i will not be like one of tems if im old...

tO tos drinkers out tere jus wanna share wit u guys...

effeCts of aLcohol
short term effect :

reduces sensitvity to pain
affects vsion in following ways such as narrows visual fields,reduces resistance to glare,lessens sensitvity to colors, interferes wit e abilty to dfrentiate intensity of lite

Long term effect :

damage to vital organs including heart ,liver and pancreas
leading to several medical problems include gastro,malnutrition high bld presure and also several types of cancer

mOnday blues....

2006-01-09T18:45:00.000+08:00

aS usuaL kinda Lazy to wake up tis mornin its rainin cats n dogs...wondaful weather to sleep ya...aint no choice have to drag myself out of e bed to work...oN my way to work i met my childhood fwen azMi...i cudnt rcognix him initialy his e one who approached me...i cudnt believe it mua on eyes he look so superb haha recal back tos moment wen we r still a kid hes so fat n slompy lookin n now a hanDsome maN...haha i cant deny his look is superb his body full of muscles wooohOo i Loike...e sad tinG is tat his maried wit one kid...haIyo meLepas peLuang ....*rofl*

reacHed my werk place abt 8 ...damn im always at e dot...e bus is always late no matter how early u come it will make u wait for 30 mins..i need to fInd other aLternative route for me to reach my werk place earlier...aS usual i will do my ward routine...sUdenly my Nm called me to meet her in e office ..i was panicky tOt i tis any mistake...gUess waT...skaLi she asked "nur... have u tink wen u r taking ur leave?" felt a relieve aft tat... haiya i jus started werkin she oredi pester me to take my leave...haIyo aneway shes a nice lady...She oredi put me in a slot to send me for course...which is vry lucky of me whereas most of my coleq was not schedule for any courses yet...

back to werk

2006-01-08T18:29:00.000+08:00

mY orientatiOn week of werK had fNaLy enDed... sTarted getIn my asS back to werK on last thuRs...I am vry bLessed tat wOndaful staf nUrse of mine whom i know durin my attachment managed to talk to our ADN to chg me into another ward...Tank goD for his kindness...I owed him for tat kindness...Im reali happy abt it... E only ting is a lot o political issue in tat particular ward of mine... I dunt reali bother abt tat as long it did not affect on me I wunt wanna know abt it...My aim is jus to nurse e pt n have a gd interpersonal relationship wit tem...wen tImes up for me to go back i will jus knock off everytin...

3 days ive been in my ward...teRes more tings tat i hav to catch up n learn...Esp my pt names,...If u r able to know teir name for any instance tey will respond n listen to ur orders...Iam able to build a gd raport wit my felow coleq ..thou sumtimes i feel like im in a foreign land i aint no choice jus adapt to e stuation...tomorow all e way i will be wit my preceptor...too many tings needed to be stuff inside my mind.. i reali need to drill everytin inside my brain cos i will be doin nite shift soon...I will be all alone wit 48 pt...I jus cant imagine tat...i jus dunno if i could handle e situation...Its totaly dift werkin environment in e medical setin in tos acute hospitals..I jus pray hard tat im able to face all tis tribulances in a calm manner...

e third daY

2006-01-05T18:52:00.000+08:00

tOdaY is e thirD dAY of mY new weRkin place... Within tis 3 days we were attached to various wards be it both normal long stay ward and general ward...During our attachment we aint got a chance to visit most wards as a staff in tere we are xposed to dift seting be it forensic ,adolescent n even EPIPs wards...Its fun thou esp tos geratic wards which i was cursing n swearin after knowin tat i wud be posted tere for two entire yrs but afterall i found tem tey r actually vry adorable...The ward which i will be goin is e most busiest ward n nosiest of all..its as if u r in a JUronG bird park or som karaOke place...mOstly i will be handlin geratic pt who needs more nursing care wit tis im still able to apply all my skills n wunt lose it...Im glad afterall havin posted in tat ward...aLl i need is to plug my ear wit cotton balls ...hehe

On my way i was jUs wonderin hows my fellow mates?? i reali missed werkin wit tem esp wit Rose ,waTie n aRInaa...We always have our stupid lame jokes wen we r werkin together...laugh till we drop...make a full of ourselves...miss toS moments...I was jus wondering hows Rose handlin her new environment shes so unlucky got tat stupid iritating ward which is full of controversy ...i reall pity her wherby e staff are also sux to e max....im jus hopin shes adaptin it smoothly...as For ariana ...shes bless she got into MICU...so lucky of her confrats...as For wati aint sure where is she as shes not bonded..no maTeer wat i jus hope for e best...cant wait to meet e resT of my mates esP yanti,haNa n e resT during our graduatiOn day...taTs aLL for todaY i guess...

aSSaLamUaLaikum ....faiLure is not everYtinG in Life its a pathwaY tO sUcceSS

a Start of mY new career

2006-01-02T22:26:00.000+08:00

tOmOlo will be a new daY for me... a Start of my career tO be pledge a fuLL time nUrse...xcIted overwhelm but on e Other hanD fear overtaken me...aInt sUre wether I am abLe to adaPt to e envrOnment...i was nOt bleSS to get a gd ward...I got e worst ever In my hosPtal e moSt challenGing of aLL bsIdes e criminaL ward...I waS poSted to e gerO psYchiate acute maLe waRds werby a Lot of bed bOund pt wHich is viOlent...

NuttiN caN be dOne im bonded tere fOr 2 yrS. i juS praY hard taT i wUd be abLe tO be mOre carefuL in haNdLin mY pt...nOt tO dO tinGs aLone ...i Hope i wUd be aBle to went thrU aLL e thIck n thIn nO matter waT eveN if im at rIsk ...

2005 have maKe me a stOnger persOn in Life

2006-01-01T23:35:00.000+08:00

a Yr have passed by wO me reaLizinG it...wNt thrU thicK n tHin on tOs winding rOads of life...aLonG e waY ive learNt n gaIn exPerience be It gOod or baD...fOr everY faiLure n mIStakeS taT i maKe Upon e tIme i rGard It as a keY fOr me tO suCCeSS for e upcoming eveNts of life...Yr of 2005 haVe maDe me mOre wIser n tacTfuL in deaLin the waY of mY Life...It haS tOo maNy saD chaPterS of life ..but aLhaMduLilaH im able to strive mY way thrU afTer evrY tribuLation...

neverThelesS 2005 have wOndafuL eventS in my Life..i vaLue fOr eacH n evrYmOmentS tat haPpeneD which i stOred in mY jeweL box of Life...I waS bLesS wit Gd fortUne after sUmone whO caMe intO my Life...knOwin him fOr a shOrt moment hav reaLi cHg me a Lot...therFore i feel aLLah have liSten tO my prayeRs n graNt me e wIsh...I aprecIate hIs preSence bY my sIde....n i hope he would b mY guidaNce angeL whom will leaD me in my Life..a sPecial Sumone in mY life tat I would treAsurE evrY moMentSs wit hIm thOu we haV upS n dwNs along e waY but we maNage tO haNg On to our piLLarS strOnger eacH n every time...For aLL e UpcOmin daYs n mOnths ahead i hope we r bleSS wit good fortune aHead...

ChrIstMas....

2005-12-27T22:58:00.000+08:00

woke up earli in e mOrnin as usuaL cLeanin mY hse... teN ard afT met my LarlIng headIn towarDs his fweN hse whOs holdin an eNgagement day...Congrats to JI... we Left his hse abT 3 plus... we weNt back to straIt home cOs i need tO chg mY baJU bfOr we gOin for a short gateawY tO mIni sPore wOoohOo...its sO daMn hot...tOt of wearIn sLeveLess...aFt getIn a naG frm Him i dcIded tO wear a sHirt...haiyO hes vry partIcular in clothing...i shall say tat...anewaY i know he mean it good..mY granNy always e back up... haIya...U know wat?? mY grannY threw 10 pcs of myy sleveLess cLothing...Uwakzzz it reaLLi piss me oFF... I bought it wit my hard earN mony teR hapILy my grany threw my clothes... haiya... gave uP on bUyin tat kind of cLothin liaO... Ok aint wanna brag abt all tos tings...

here are few pIcs whIch we tOok in seNtosa... nUttin much jus fOr reMembrance a trIp to sentOsa...

mY darling tryin to camouflage wit e fLowers

oOo gosH im getIn fatter ...uwaKz caN see my doUbLin chinn...

trIp to kL

2005-12-20T12:52:00.000+08:00

picS taken in e caB on oUr wat to baTu caves......

Upon reachin e destNation maNage to capture tis scenery .....

arrIval entraNce of e baTu caVes...it cOnsist of 3 main caves and a smaller ones..Upon arrival u will be welcome by e monkey awaiting for peanuts...bfOre u able to admire e magnificient batU caves which are made of limestones ...U have to climb up approx of 272 steps... FYI tos who r asthmatic ppl pls brg along ur inhaler cos its vry tiring..It realli need a lot of courage to step ur feet on e stairs as its vry steep...

ClosEr view of e entrance Of e stePs to e maGnificIent caves ..Once a Yr tey will celebrate e thaIpusaM fesTval in e BatU caves...aS maNy as 800000 devOteeS and Other vIsitOr maY thrOng e caVes...Its a form of sacrIfice or penace whereBy tey wiLL cary kavadIs ,pitcher or jug of miLk..It is held in e tenth month of HindU calendar...

Huh...tis cute lil monkey is my darling best fwen hehe...

behinD him teRs a mIneral stOne or emMm issit a lime stone aint sure forget liaO ah ....

tIs piC takeN at e tOp vIew of e caVe...LoOk hOw wOndafuL e sceNery frM e tOp

tIs is e Place wHere we haD our LunCh....

caNtInYa muka dIa...aPa jer dia tgK tuh???

tIS is waT i had FOr mY LuNch...uwaKz e rOt canai taK sOdapz..keraS..LucKiLy e gravY waS niCe...

PetaLinG streeT its a Place wHer U wUnt waNNa miSs it...Its a place wherBy u caN barGain even in e daY tIme...Its a barGain hunterS paradisE wit itS dinstIncly orieNtal atmOsphere...e besT atmOsphere is aT night....PetaLinG streeT is a Place wherBy a Parade Of aLL staLLs seLinG imItatiOn gOods...U juS name It teY wiLL geT it fOr u...tIs is fOr toS whO r nOt braNd cOnsciouS or shaLL i say materIaLisTic...Tis Is e place fOr U to teSt Ur bagaInin skiLLs...fOr saFetY cOnscious pls be caRfuL of picKpockets cOs its daMn crOwded as if in a sarDin tin...

pics taken in a Cab after a LonG n tirIng daY...oN oUr waY bacK to out hOtel...

pIcs sNapped in e bUs on Our waY bacK tO sinGapOre.....tgK tUh aLaHai cUtenya dIa tdO pnaT sGt aGaknya saMpai org sNap pun dIa taK praSan hehe...

LaSt bUt not least a pIc of both of Us togeTher...reMembraNce trIp tO KL...LovIng meMorieS...

2005-12-14T14:32:00.000+08:00

eyLo im bacK bfOre im away for my kL trip tomoLo ...yeah2 fnaLy a gateway out frm tis place... arGhhh caNt wait getiN up maself maKin a move tO kL... Ive beeN dOin e cOuntdwN eversInce mornIn...argHh e time is ruNNin vry sLow..erKk caN i jus gO n adjust e time...im sUper duper happy todaY haha ...

earLi tis aft recV msG frm rOse... my classmates ..wOw its been such a long time since we keep in contact..ermm wen cum to tink of it i reaLi miss my classmates back in our sch daYs... thOu we hav ups n dwns along e way but i still cherish thOs moments wen we Luagh togther make a fool of ourselves..iTs jus a leavin memory taT will be implant In my meMory...we fnaLLy graduated together...aLL ourr hardwork have fnaLLy achieve...

Most of us are bOnded to e hospital for two years... I hope all of us will be able to cope to our new werking environment...It will be totally dift wen we r back in e past now we r on our own...e feeling of excitement to get my ass back to werk is pounding each n every day... but apart frm it feelin of stress worried unable to cope wit e environment keeps on racing in my mind...wiLL i be able to handle tis mental stress for two yrs??will i be able to achieve e job satisfaction tat rquired by tem..??Sum of my classmates oredi sTartin back to werk nxt wk...tey oredi know where tey posted too...Oo im worried...where will i be posted??wil i get wat i want>??am i prepared to face werkin life again??I jus hope for e best cos afterall wat i feel everywhere we werk it gonna be e same...Its just a matter of new environmen ,colleaq n new management...I guess if u know ur werk well it shudnt be a prOb in anywhere ..jus pray hard e managemnt is good..dUnt put high expectation jus hope for e best of it...to aLL my classmates wishIng tem best Of Luck in teIr new werKing wOrld... dO keeP in tOuch...

wat a Life

2005-12-12T22:04:00.000+08:00

today i jus felt like sharing a true life relationship story tat happens ...

a fren of mine got to know tis guy A thru chatin... tey bcame fwens but rarely chat..few mths later tey fnaly met during a gatherin...after quite sumtimes a gal fren of mine got to know B oso thru chatin... it was so coincidence it happen to be A werkin coleq...tey chat at teir werk place... as a gal fwen of mine she is soft n kindhearted... she dunt like to judge ppl...few days after knowin B...a coleq of of B wanted to go out for karaoke...so he insist on B to gve my gal fwen no...eventually B gav him (C)... sO c called up a gal fwen of mine...initialy she was wonderin why does B sounds dift cos C using e name of B wen he called.. So my gal fwen cudnt be bother she jus ig n continue chattin...eventually tis C ask to go out together... sO tis gal fwen of mine fnally agreed...

An hour or sO... B fnally called up n told her tat it was not him who called it was C ..initialy shes angry but ten she kewl dwn...She keep on askin if shes married B kept silence..refuse to tell... Thou A was aware tat C goin out wit her..he kept silence...so gal fwen of mine tot C was single..so she jus go along wit e game...e saD tinG is thOu knowin tat C is jus tryinG to have fun n lust ...neither A nor B told anetin to her... jus wonda wat a fwen tey r towards her... thou she never treat anyone bad but end up ppl doin tis to her...sUmting happen tat vry nite... thou she knows her mistake n regret...she tried her best to repent wat she did in e past she felt that teres no spaces in e room to let her breathe...

after few weeks..she in contact back with A...she fnally got to know B N C is his werkin coleq...sO she keep on askin abt C...n fnally she able to dig e info...a shocking news n a nightmare to her till now..knowin tat C is married...she reali felt as if she wanna dump herself in a hole...She tried to move on but e nightmare keep on haunting her...A didnt know wat actuali had happened btw she n C...she kept everyting secret...

A month later... she and A kept in touch quite often.. tey have felingss for each otha... tey fnaly got atach...She forgoten to tell A her darkest scert n fnaly broke e news e nxt folowin day.. thou A seems able to accept it deep dwn shes aware tat A was upset n ashame... She ten decided to ask for a break but he rfuse n he able to acpt for wat she is n hope she wunt do it again..e ting is history keeps on haunting her... One day A... fnally told her his felings... once again she knew it ...it will happen ... it cant be erase ... she felt totaly depress , misery full of regrets ,nightmare ,loss of confdence in continuing e relationship...but A manage to pull her back convince her ...he wud be able to accept her...but she always keeps on wondering for how long wud A be able to hold on his patience... wat If one day if his coleq knows his relationship wit A....she felt so guilty for A pity n woried tat A wud be a laughing stock to his coleq... She love him so deeply tat she wilin to sacrifice to leave him to avoid him to be a laughin stock to his coleq but he refuse...but for how long wud A be able to handle n be patient for watever his coleq sald to him ...i wonda for how long???do u tink tis relationship will last?? how long wud he keep she away frm his coleq...??? for how long??? its reali a tortorous nighmare for ma gal fwen...shes do depress...she cry each n every nit hopin soon ter will be space in e room to prove her sincerity n love ...

sejUjur maNakah kaTa kaTa

2005-12-09T12:57:00.000+08:00

sejuJur maNa ikhLasnYa hatI
kTika leMbut sYum diberI
aPakah ada tuJuan...
seBaLik senYuman Itu..

seJujUr maNakaH kaTa kaTa
keTiKa kta berteNtaNg maTa
bOLeh kaH akU pcaya
mUngkIn iTu saTu sanDwara
keraNa serInG
peNgucaPan zaHir batIn taK seIring
ada RaSa ada jiwa
terLuka hiLaNg raSa pcaYa

pnGaLaman tLah meNdawaSakan kta
meMatanGkaN fIkiraN
paHit geTar yg pernah ku Lalui
gurUku sjati

buKan dirImu ku cUrigaI
akU skadaR berHati hatI
tdaK reLa baKaL ada yg kcewa
biar waSpada

2005-12-08T21:14:00.000+08:00

its jus keep on comIng back ... i tOt its over... but i underestimate it... I guesss e history will still remain n it will keep on hauntin over N over agaIn... whY mUst it hapen to me??? whY me ?? why me?? im jus sick n tired of tis life ... ive always convince maseLf frm e initial it wiLL be ok.. it will end... sTart of a new fresH cHaptr of life... but im wrg im so wrg abt tis... I guess Once u r dwn wit it U wiLL be forevver hav tat bLack ink darted on u... tried mY very besT to cHg n rePent for waT i dId in e Past...rGrt for waT ive dOne.. but whY?? why?? tereS no spaCe in e rOom for Me tO to prOv it tat Im not wat u gUys tinK... its jus e sLightest mistake ..it reali drag me to heLl to face n be strg to overcome it...i guess it wiLL take me aGes to show n prov it to teM ..im not like tat... Humans do maKe mistake ...nobody is born to be perfect...we Hav our ups n dwNs...but why?? why?? why cant teY gve me a chance to show tem who am I... cum to me i will reveal my trueself..

jUz pOurin the thOughts of ma mInD

2005-12-05T00:38:00.000+08:00

as i lay maseLf on e bed...Staring through e ceiLing... bLinking aimlessly hope tO find a soLution to every problems... Gazing it hard nO signs of anSwers as i searcH thru e empty roOm...Im confused n lost ...my emOtiOns are scattered arD...

feeLin breaThLess eacH nit fIghtIng mY Life tO live anOther daY in tIs worLd...I fOrce maseLf tO be strong tO face aLl e obstacLes taT is meaNt for me..hOw loNg caN i surVive in tis cOndtiOn... PrayinG hard hOpefuLly it wiLL gO off One day.it seeMs taT its gettIn waY out of cOntroL..eaCh daY im paYin ma Life to C tis world ...tO maKe ppL arD me haPpy tO create mOre fwens insTead of eneMy... be mY besT to cheeR Up thOu feeLin dwN...pUshing maseLf to e limits to pUt others bfore me...yeT bY doIn sumtIng gracIoUs for teM tryIng to cOver up teIr bad deEds in e eNd we r tO b bLame fOr all e coSt...I aLwaYs wOnder whY do ppl wiLL onLi tend to apprecIate sUmones kIndnesS onLi weN taT persOn r gOne n nOt weN teY r stiL aLife... Life is precIoUs but yet ppL dunt tend to apprecate tem... Did u ever wOnda hOw maNy ppL dieD unwiLLinGLy in e HosptaL hopefully teRe will be a mIracLe tO chg teir faith...hopIn ter wiLl be Light for tem to Live in tis wOrld to treasUre evry bits n mOments of teir Life which teY abaNdon it duriN teir GraciOus mOments...

2005-12-02T20:03:00.000+08:00

argHh irritatin proBlems... One after another... daH jatUh dtimpa tanGGa baru naK menyesal... barU nak caLl up mintak tlg...arghh bila snaNg sombong kurang ajar lag... itu Lah lain kali org nasihat jgn bodoh sombong... ingtla sikit siapa yg makan garam dulu...

nOw i hav tO fac aLL e shits u hav dOne ..foLLow u to e court lah wateva crap...hOw many times hav i warn ya not to get involv wit all tis craps.c now u r in deep trouble who hav to ans for all tis... its kind enuff for me to hid all tos craps u hav done by not informin ya parents... tis time round im gonna tell ur parents wat u hav done... U cant be like tiss all along...waKe up u r onli how onlie how many records u hav liao... Pls for heaven sake ...dunt be like one pathetic bunch of useless bums...used ur head ...education is more important tan all tis crap will ya sink tat in mind...argGghh luckily u r not my sis if not im gonna hammer u make sure it will sink inside ur deep bloody brain...its not tat i hate u or wateva crap u may tink as i nag at u all tat...i jus care abt u treatin u as if u r my sis thou u didnt respect me at all...but jus bear in mind all tos nagging are for good... i meant it well...

haIz.. nowadays teenagers simply dunt care abt wat risk tey r takin...jus do it wo tinking ...aint aware of e records tat will tarnish teir rputation ...

2005-12-02T16:47:00.000+08:00

Im baCk agaIn... wOohOoo i fNish up twO boOks..veLvet angeL anD cOnfesSion of a ShopaHoLic...VelveT angeL its basicaLy sTories bacK in 1502... centuries aGo...mOre of during e waR times Of mOntgOmerY...Not bad thOu it seemS a Lil bit bored inItial part but afteraLL itS interestIn ..Its more abT tis miLes MontgOmerY beeN Loved by mamY wOmen but teR was OnLi one wit e power abLe tO capture hIs heart...eLizabeth is a Lady toUgh as a swOrd whO aint waNNa gve in to e Lord miLes...bUt Love taKes Its own cOurse and Bind teIr hearts wIt mighty furY turning fear and haTe intO trust and fOrgveness ant temptatIon intO a gLorioUs passIon..

aS fOr confesSion of a sHopahOLic is basIcaLLy abT e fnanciaL jOurnaList...sHes Living a flat in LondOn trendiest neighbourhoOd...,a troupe of glamorious socialite frens...e OnLy trouble is she cant afford even a ting which she hav ...her Job writin a sUcessful saving bord her to tears moreover wit low income...she ten put herself into a hot soup lots of debts,tons of letters.....fnaLly a story arises tat actualy she cares for and her frntpage article article a chain of events tat transform her life and the lives of tos ard her...

wat a Life

2005-11-30T08:00:00.000+08:00

I wOke uP xtreMeLy earLi...cUdnt haV enUff sLeP ...aInt feeLin weLL actuaLi as UsuaL taT sIckness...Luckily not taT bad...argH im juz sicK n tird of medcatiOn...itS back to square One..i still suffer frm tat ting...oOo gosh i jus feel like stopin all tos mDcation n chuck out of e window..

tOday i wiLL jUs sit at hOme n resT maseLf..im gOna cOmplete my bOok which ive been reading it for 3 days yet haven fnish uwaKz...i waNa read e nxt book by lesLey pearse...jus caNt wait to get my hand on taT bOook...

his PissIn me off

2005-11-27T21:51:00.000+08:00

oOo gOsh ..daMn tired toDay...mY backacHe..OucHhh ... I guess due toO much Of bendIng imProper bOdy mecHanics... it reaLLi hurts...gOnna ask mY granY for a masSage...Uwakkkzzz...atIt...

it SeEms abT a wEeK sInce ive lasT Updated...nuttin mUch tO share abT...Its Juz tat tIs wK doesNt seeM to b a gd wk i guess...aLmost evrYdaY I ARgUE wit my uncle...hes damN irritatriNg pisSing me ofF each n evry mOment...I jus feel like basHin hIs faCe..arGgh...esP tis mOrnin... LucKily i was in mY gd cUdnt be bOther wit Him... dUnt aprecIate wat other hav reaLi done fOr hIm weN hes N e midst of dficulty...waT piSS me off mOst was... he left his kids ...i dunt mind if its wkdays...i undastand his stuation...but it seems evry single day ur putin tem at home...U r oLd enuff to tink tat...ur mother is not reaLi in gd health n yet u dunt brg back ur kids...sPare sUm tot for her...sHes old n tired lookin after kids...at least let her rest on weekend...As a son..U shud at least spare sum sympathy for ur muM...n as a faTher Its ur duty n resPonsibiLity to brg teM out hav sUm fresh air insTead of jus Lockin tem at Home...i wOnda wher he pUt his brains at..!!!Simply enjOyin urself n ur 2 kids beIng left at Home wit tis old lady whos vry tired...stiL got e cheek to tell me tat hes goin e M Nasir concert...arggh gOd can u pls rIng a beLL in his head.. pls gve hIm sum knOck on e duties of a father...

naMa jer daH tUa daH ada anaK enTah maNa ltaKnya akal pemikiran...

i hate my pasT....

2005-11-21T20:16:00.000+08:00

aS i refLect bacK mY pasT... It reaLi sUx...I jUs hate it...How i wisH i cUd jus cHg taT daMn time bacK...ReaLLi rgreT for waTeva sHits taT haPPen n dOne...Im sO asHame Of maseLf...aInt Know wHer tO put maseLf...eveN by drOwnIng maseLf tO e grd It wUnt b aBLe tO cover it Up...Ooo gOd pLs Lead me tO e rt paThwaY n Gve me sTrgth tO face e Future n anY obsTacLes...afTeraLL im OnLi a HumaN beIng whIcH bOund tO maKe mIstaKes...nObodY is perfeCt ...

e FeLinG of hatreD in maSelf jUs grew stGer weN e pasT jus keeP on beIng rMinded...I Jus wIsh taT i cUd jUs pUt aLL tiS darK siDe of masELf asIde..I jUs waNNa staRt Over a freSh new Leaf...pLs gve Me a cHance fOr me tO bLooM n I wiLl prOof It tat I aitn waT U guys maY thOught...jUs dUnt Judge me ... cOme forWard tO me if ya waNna knOw mOre abt me...U wiLl c e dift Side of me....

lalalala

2005-11-16T21:49:00.000+08:00

YeaHhh fNaLy Im bacK wIt mY new sKin aFter qUite sUmtIme sInce ive LasT UpdaTed ...aCtuaLi terS nuttin Much For me To Update...nUttIn taT crOssed My hearT taT neEdeD tO chOke it oUt...Its beeN 3 daYs sInce Ive finisHed mY attacHment...Yeahhh fNaLLy its Over...HappY wit mY gradeS..HopefuLLy I caN fUrtheR my sTudies...bUt I neeD tO geT mY asS out N werK firsT...HapPy ,anXiouS eXcited eTc aLL e dIft emoTiOn overwHelMin me...SoOn in a mTh tIme i wiLL be sTartIn mY werK...oOo gOsh caNt waIt for It...aT e saMe tIme Im gOna mIss mY stUdent Life n iTs beNefIts....teRe wiLL be No LoNger Long terM breaK aLL i wiLL be entitle Its anUaL leaVe...It wUdnt be e same...I mite b werkIn eveN oN wKends...iT dePends On e sHift ....I wILL reaLy maKe fuLL use Of mY wKends Bfore startin werK...I waNNa aPrecIat eacH aNd evRy daY sTarttin frM tOday...I reaLise iTs vrY precIoUs ..U wUdnt hav tIs beNefit Once U r Out In werKin wOrLd...Its more reaLity...

TodaY its My fIrsT daY at werK fOr my part tIme jOb...Jus werK tO kiLL e tIme aInt waNNa b a sLoacH at hOme dOin nUttin...basIcaLLy waT i caN saY its a maLe envIroNment..arGh whO cares ....as LonG mY conscIous clear n my aIm is jUs to werK and earN sUm casH rather TaN LazInG at hOme...aLL e wOrkers r exceptioNaLy vry frenLy be it e supervisor,cleaner,security,stacker guys e storekeeper etc...hahaha a Lot Of cUte gUys *rofl* i Loike ...sUm of teM even Younger taN me..haIyO i tOt most of tem are 20 plus skaLi 18 daH...BasIcaLly waT i did was jus checking ,changing e label...Simple job but can b vry tedious wit aLL tos paRt no...aLmosT go bOnkers seeIng aLL tOse nO...ok LaH taTs aLL fOr e daY...My eYes daMn tIred aRgHh its redisH...my eyes neeD sUm resT...

jus vent it out

2005-11-09T21:13:00.000+08:00

BacKz agaIn ...nuttin much to say...

it Doesnt seem tO b a gd weEk for me since mOn...Teres aLwaY prOb ocUring n aPearing in Ma Life abt werK,my persOnal n famiLy...aInt waNNa mentIon..Jus keP it in tO maseLf stiLL e best..ya aLLah...berikaN lah kU pTunjuk mu Utk mnempuhi sGala dugaaN yg tdaK kU ingIni...

yesTday i was jus beIn updated agaIn...mOst prob we wiLL be goIn to PenanG n aceH for our Overseas attachmen bfOre startin werK nxt yr...weN cUm tO tink of it lookin forward for it ...however im gonna miss all my loved ones still tinking shud i go or shud i not...

nuttIn mUch i waNNa saY...jus aInt nO mOod ...aSSalamualaikum

~@~@ aPprecIate e PersOn weN teY r sTiLL wIt U...dUnt waIt tiLL teY r Gone ~@~@

airMata sYawaL

2005-11-06T21:13:00.000+08:00

saYu...haT iNi maKin saYup...
RinDu...tKNanGkaN deSa perMai...
waJaH aYah bOnda BmaIn d maTa..
mGajaK kU pULanG k deSa...
D haRi baHgIa haR raYa..

Lama Ku tUnGgu
bTemU d paG muLia
NamUn tdaK ksaMpaIaN
aIrmaTa jaTuh bLinaNgan

kUinGin berULanG maNisnYa bSaMa
mYamBut harI baHGia
jaraK meMisaHkaN rIndu pTemUan
biLaKah hasraT jad nYata

DuhaI aYaH bOnda amPunKan anKaNda
TaK dPat braYa bsaMa
jaUh dari maTa dKat dLm Jwa
TgUh kasIhkU tdaK brUbah

paGi sYawaL

2005-11-03T17:32:00.000+08:00

asSaLamuaLaikUm...sLamat mYambUt sYawaL yg meNjeLang kPada sMua Umat isLaM...HarI yG baHagIa Ini IngIn kU mYusUn sPuLuh jarI mOhOn amPun daN maaf sKira tKasar baHsa dLm perBuaLaN kta..

Sayu sUngguh mNdgar taKbir berKumaNdang...hinGa mnUsuk kaLbu...rIuh reNdah tdgar saNak saUdara ku myaMbut lebaraN...rasA baHagIa utK mereKa...naMun kU dI amBang sePi...maNakaLa aNak2 sIbuk mOhOn amPun daN maaF bdaMping ibU baPa ...akU baGaIkaN dI satu sUdut dUnia yg beRbza...waLaUpun lBaraNyg harUs kta meraIkaN..akU seaNdaInya teraPung2 bGLombaNg...hasrat Ku IngIn beraYa bsaMa kedUa ibU baPa kU taK pNah dkecaPi sjaK kciL...naMun kU taK pUtus mGharaPkaNnya ia aKan mNjadi saTu kyataAn pada sUatu masa keLak... DsUduk rindu ku kpadaNya tLetak kMarahan ku kpada meReka...aPakah siLap kU laHir dDunia iNi taNpa kasIh sYg mU...adaKaH akU dLahirKan sCara tdak dIiNgni...berIkaN laH kU jawaPan yg swaJarnya...tDak kU mgHaraP lbIh darI mU...haNya kU pInta kasIh sYg daN faHami Lah jwa Ku ini...........

~%~% NaMuN ku D amBaNg sePi... mnDung MyelubuNgi..Syawal ku yG kMbali..baGaiKaN tDaK beRerTi ~%~%

Di pinGGiran aIdiLfitrI

2005-11-01T21:13:00.000+08:00

BgeMa suara D tabir fajar
MnDayu irama tabir blaGu
Pnuh sYahdu
Oh sYG SyaWal mNjelMa
Tiada seindah yG sudah
Hanya keluhan plu
Bmain D kalbu

Di Lbaran bkerdipan
Tpancar sNar caHaya haRi muLia
Namun ku d ambanG sepi
MnDung mYeluBunGi
Syawal ku yG kembali
BGaikan tdak beRereti

D pInGiRaN Aidilfitri
tDenGAr sUaRa takbir bGema lagi
D hati sUnYi dan sepi
YG pgi takan Kmbali
BsEmi riNdu d hati
Dan piLu yG tak btePi

2005-10-31T19:44:00.000+08:00

aHakz tOday nuttin mUch done at werK,...Jus sLack aLL e waY...we weRe caLLed Out...tO hav a Long rest n toK rubbIsh wit Our new lecTurer...woOohOoo gereK maUt...we Like her a Lot..sHes vrY undastandIng...How i wish shes wit us frm e initial of our posting....mOst of us later plan out to go on a trip to KL together... part of our last gatherin together bfore we start our werk...Later part In e aft...I was awaken by e news taT i was cseLected to go for overseAs attacHment..*lolos* aT first i was like ..OhHh nOOo tot of damn cant njoy my holiday...aftErall cUm to tinK of it..whY not ...gaIn experIence frm tere...LoOkin fOrward for e eVent if it is sucessfUL..

Barely left a week plus for our graduation...Happy tO e max..fNally is gOin tO over...Jus caNt get mY ass Out to werK...saVe mOney...tOt of brIngiN mY graNy tO turKey nxt yr ..tats waT sHe always wanted to go..hOpefully i cud fulfil her wish....I guess I hav tO scriM maseLf Up...no mOre buyiNg UnnecesSary items..time fOr me to pLaN out mY future..mY aim is to werk n werk n werk..save mOney for future cOs e living expenses In sPore is tOo ex ...maYbe sHud mIgrate to KL or JB but werKin in sPore ...reaLi caN cUt cOst...

HaizZ UwaKzZ i reaLi miss him sO much...thOu e last day we met was barely 2 days agO..Jus cudnt help it ..Jus cant put my mind off him...beIng wit him is wOndaful ...aLwaYs maKe mY daY ... thou sum saId tat tis is e mOment of our honeymoOn hopefuLLy it will staY tis way foreVa...Jus cudnt live withOut hIm...miSSing him is gd enUff to kiLL me...bUt i musT nOt foLLow ma heart...be strg dunt get drifted by e feeling...taNx for beIng part Of ma Life...thOu we haV ObstacLes aLonG e waY ...i hOpe tis wUnt drag us apart...

weeKend

2005-10-30T21:25:00.000+08:00

yeaHhHh ..im xtra superb happy today....Came back in e mornin...*lolos*
Kna naG by maK for a whiLe...aft tat shes ok...Take a long bath woOohooo...so nice...basIcally spent e whole day at home...Jus doin sum sprg cleanin on my hse...sO it wud be easier for me to clean again on e eve of harI raya...haha jUz now almost fall off frm e window wile cleaning e window...tO slippery cudnt grip e grill properly...I guess it was jUs my luck im fast enuff to grab another grill if not I wudnt know wat will hapeen to me...Goshh tats scary thou...aPart frm tat it doeasnt affect my jovial mood today...fNaLLy aLL e curtains r up... haha it looks dift thou...felt so satisfied thou my intention to put up on e eve...but dunt to Mak nagging i jus make her happy n put it up wo any comment...

enUff fo todaY leTs sUmmaris wat happened yestday...Im out e whole day basically...iN e aft met kak waHdah to get e stuff ten went Bk hOme aft abt an hr...we wEn to Geylang to get cUrtain for my graNNys room...hahaha i reAli bargain to e max untill e apek cannot take it gve me e price tat i one...woOoohooo...kna pinch by my granny all e way...aft tat i sent my granny bak home i went headin towards my mum hse ten to paPa Indra hse...its part like a gatherin breakin fast..it was fun ...got my fav fd macaroni grg..yum yum delicious...ten aft ishak we went to geylang as a whole grp...woah its like abt 15 -18 i guess...but later on we go on our seprate ways...as for me abt 11 ...I oredi move off to meet sumone...yeah tats all abt it for my wkend...Orait ciOw cincaO

fnaLy its frI

2005-10-28T20:40:00.000+08:00

yeahHhh fnaLy its fri...Ive been LookinG forward for e wkend..Jus sick n tired of e posstinG...basIcally i keep on attendiNg call bell non stOp..no nUrsing care tat need to b dOne...Im gonNa sLackz sOonz...Ooo gossh pls dunt...fortUnately patient of mIne are vry e gerekz...thou we hav comuncation barrier...I tried my best in meeting teir needs...Using hand gestUre..thOu at first felt vry frustrated cudnt undastand wat tey want...however i realis i shud be more patience esp in handling elderly..i will b lik one of tem wen i grew olda....

sOon after knocked off frm werk...wen st8 tO yishun...gOt to meet my darlIng babY...reaLi missed him sO mUch...Its being abt 3 weeks since ive last met him...hes bcOmin cUter each daY...hes actve now...i guess sOon gve him abt 2 wks..he wiLL b able to crawl..caNt wait for tat mOment...time reali passed by vry fast ...its as if he jus born n now he goin to b 8 mths...i reali love him...miss my darlin swetheart...cant bear tO leave hIm Jus now..but aint no choice hav to go bak ...

GadIs meLaYu...

2005-10-28T19:39:00.000+08:00

SiaPa bLanG gadIs meLaYu tak mnawaN
TaK meNarik haTi ,tiadA meMikaT
kaLOlaH mmG taK mUnGkiN akU ttaRiK
kaLolaH sUngUh taK mUngKin akU kaN jaTuh

SiaPa bLaNg gadIs mLaYu taK mnaWan
Tak mNarik haTi,tiada meMikat
kaLolaH mmg taK mUngkIn akU ttarIk
kaLolaH sUngUh taK mUngkin akU kaN jaTuh

aDuhai...LemaH lemBut gaYanya
seRta maNis senYuManYa
HtaM peKat raMbUtnya
aYuH amBil sI dIa

Di anTara gadis2 sLuruh dunia
Tiada yg sehaLus mulus oh stuLus dia
Di antara gadis2 sLuruh dunia
Tiada yg shaLus muLus oh stuLus dia
bUdi baHasaNya,,paNdaNgaN maTanya
senTuhan jwaNya meMbuatku teLena

sIapa bLang gadis mLayu taK mnawaN
TaK meNarIk haTi tIada memIkaT
kaLolaH mmG taK mUngkIn akU ttarIk
kaLolaH suNgUh taK MunGkin akU kaN jaTuh

Di anTara gadis2 sLuruh dunia..
tIada Yg shaLus muLus oh stuLus dia...
bUdi baHasaNya..PandaNgaN maTanya
senTuhaN jwaNya memBuatku tLeNa

LailatuL qadar

2005-10-28T19:27:00.000+08:00

Lailatul Qadar adalah malam yang lebih baik dari seribu bulan. Siapa saja akan mendapatkan keutamaan malam tersebut, karena itu adalah janji Allah kepada kita. Karena itu mengisinya dengan serangkaian ibadah merupakan sunnah yang sangat dianjurkan.

Rasulullah SAW bersabda," Barangsiapa mencari lailat al qodr, hendaknya ia mencarinya pada malam kedua puluh tujuh" (HR Ahmad).

Jatuhnya Lailatul Qadar

Para ulama bersepakat bahwa Lailatul-Qodar terjadi pada malam bulan Ramadhan. Dan terus berlangsung pada setiap bulan Ramadhan untuk mashlahat umat Muhammad, sampai terjadinya hari qiyamat. Adapun tentang penentuan kapan persis terjadinya, para ulama berbeda pendapat disebabkan beragamnya informasi hadits Rasulullah, serta pemahaman para shahabat tentang hal tersebut. Sebagaimana tersebut di bawah ini:

1. Lailatul-Qodar itu jatuh pada malam 17 Ramadhan, yaitu malam diturunkannya Al Qur'an. Hal ini disampaikan oleh Zaid bin Arqom, dan Abdullah bin Zubair ra. (HR Ibnu Abi Syaibah, Baihaqi dan Bukhori dalam tarikh).

2. Lailatul-Qodar itu jatuh pada malam-malam ganjil di sepuluh hari terakhir bulan Ramadhan. Diriwayatkan oleh Aisyah dari sabda Rasululah SAW: "Carilah lailat al qodr pada malam-malam ganjil di sepuluh hari terakhir bulan Ramadhan" (HR Bukhori, Muslim dan Baihaqi)

3. Lailatul Qodr terjadi pada malam tanggal 21 Ramadhan, berdasarkan hadits riwayat Abi Said al Khudri yang dilaporkan oleh Bukhori dan Muslim.

4 Lailatul-Qodar jatuh pada malam tanggal 23 bulan Ramadhan, Berdasarkan hadits riwayat Abdullah bin Unais al Juhany, seperti dilaporkan oleh Bukhori dan Muslim.

5 Lailatul-Qodar jatuh pada malam tanggal 27 bulan Ramadhan, berdasarkan hadits riwayat Ibnu Umar, Seperti dikutip oleh Ahmad. Dan seperti diriwayatkan oleh Ibnu Abi Syaibah, bahwa Umar bin al Khoththob, Hudzaifah serta sekumpulan besar shahabat, yakin bahwa lailat al qodr terjadi pada malam 27 bulan Ramadhan. Rasulullah SAW seperti diriwayatkan oleh Ibnu Abbas, juga pernah menyampaikan kepada shahabat yang telah tua dan lemah tak mampu qiyam berlama-lama dan meminta nasehat kepada beliau kapan ia bisa mendapatkan lailat al qodr, Rasulullah SAW kemudian menasehati agar ia mencarinya pada malam ke 27 bulan Ramadhan (HR Thabroni dan Baihaqi).
Seperti difahami dari riwayat Ibnu Umar dan Abi Bakrah yang dilaporkan oleh Bukhori dan Muslim, terjadinya lailat al qodr mungkin berpindah-pindah pada malam-malam ganjil sepanjang sepuluh hari terakhir bulan Ramadhan. Sesuai dengan informasi terakhir ini, dan karena langka dan pentingnya, maka selayaknya setiap muslim berupaya selalu mendapatkannya pada sepanjang sepuluh hari terakhir bulan Ramadhan.

Tanda-tanda terjadinya Lailatul Qadar

Seperti diriwayatkan oleh Imam Muslim, Ahmad, Abu Daud dan Tirmidzi, bahwa Rasulullah SAW pernah bersabda: " Pada saat terjadinya Lailatul-Qodar itu, malam terasa jernih, terang, tenang, cuaca sejuk tidak terasa panas tidak juga dingin. Dan pada pagi harinya matahari terbit dengan jernih terang benderang tanpa tertutup sesuatu awan".
Sedangkan yang harus dilakukan agar dapat menggapainya:

1. Lebih bersungguh-sungguh dalam menjalankan semua bentuk ibadah pada hari-hari Ramadhan, menjauhkan diri dari semua hal yang dapat mengurangi keseriusan beribadah pada hari-hari itu. Dalam peribadatan ini juga dengan mengikutsertakan keluarga. Hal itulah yang dahulu dicontohkan Rasulullah SAW.

2. Melakukan i'tikaf dengan berupaya sekuat tenaga. Itulah yang dilakukan oleh Rasulullah SAW.

3. Melakukan qiyamullail berjama'ah, sampai dengan rekaat terakhir yang dilakukan imam, sebagaimana diriwayatkan oleh Abu Dzar ra.

4. Memperbanyak do'a memohon ampunan dan keselamatan kepada Allah dengan lafal: "Allahumma innaka 'afuwun tuhibbul afwa fa'fu 'anni". Hal inilah yang diajarkan oleh Rasulullah SAW kepada Aisyah ra ketika beliau bertanya: "Wahai Rasulullah, bila aku ketahui kedatangan lailat al qodr, apa yang mesti aku ucapkan?" (HR Ahmad, Ibnu Majah dan Tirmidzi)

Wallahu a'lam bishshawab.

andainya kasIh kU pudar

2005-10-27T22:46:00.000+08:00

uwaKzZ todaY raining heavy2...hehe wat kind of english is tis... Lolos....ermmm nuttin much to update abt maself today...basically old same ting ...Im bored to death in tis posting...aLmost fall asleep any moment...as for today ...i was sent to observe acupuncture wit ros...as usuaL both of us no mood...as we enterd e room we felt tat as if we r in e wrg country...aneway its quite scary observing how tey did acupuncture ...wen tey poke e needle thru our tender skin...Jus imagine if u r petite...gosh i wander can it poke thru our bone...thou e needle r small but still needle mah...

u knOw wat tot of hIghlight my hair gOt grn lite frm tem...but e prOb is uwaKz mY mum tak bkenan pulakz...leciak ah ...haiz borin btulz...baCk hOme... nOt reali in e mOod..aLmost argue again wit mY daD...HES JUS MAKIN ME PURE MISERY... arGgh why am i fated to hav him..hes so **** JUS PISS ME OFF ....luckily im fastin if not i will for sure vomit out all tose wondaful words frm my mouth... I felt vry guilty after arguin ...but sumtimes hes jus too much...steppin over my patience tat im gving him...i respect u as my dad...if not for long i will jus chuck u aside...nO mater wat u r still my dad...but do spare sum thought for my feelin...who am i to U?? i knew it frm e start u r always favourtism...I duunt mind...i know whr i stand...but no matter how bad u treat me ....i will still luv u...I jus wanna c how will ur fav daughter gonna treat wen u r old...its she goin to gve u all e love n care...

Sumtimes im jus lost... here i am tryin to juggle maself to gve my love to tem..but its nver being apreciated...tell me wat shud i do...It will be too late once my love started to be depreciated ..it will jus put e end of it

tired of assIgnment

2005-10-26T16:31:00.000+08:00

aSSaLamuuaLaikum....

aint feeL good today...Later goin out to break fast with my ex n his frens ..I guess so...Jus go for e sake of goin cos its been quite sumtimes since i last met nOni n ijaL...i reali miss tem...They have always been by my side wen i hav probs...everyting hav chg now...e gd ting is no matter waT tey still treat me Part of tem...i appreciate tem so much...

tOday whole day Like no mOOd for werk..jus dunnO why... I was even being spotted by e pt...I guess its jus bcoz i dunnt feel gd..Furter more it has been raining for few days..its vry cold at nite...beTa sLeep earli today hav to fnIshed Up my assignment...Haizzz wat a day to wake up early to fnish tis damn bloddy asiGnment...argHhH...im goin to have sleepIng disorder sooner or later...

phiLopHobia

2005-10-25T01:32:00.000+08:00

Sumtimes I run...Sumtimes I hide... aint knowing shud i face e reality of life...aint sure am i makin e rt dcision...aft e incident i jus felt kinda sad ,guilty ,pity ect...am i reali at fault interrupting in btw...its not onli her...i know teres sum otha gals out tere who wish to be wit himm...sUmtimes i jus wander why tis ting keeps on repeatin in my history...Yesh i cudnt deny tat i am philophobia...tats e fact abt me...

After had sum knock on my head...i realised tat i am not fit to be wit him...Cos of my past its jus keeps on haunting me ...thoughts racing tellin me tat he dserve beta gal instead of maself...certainly i guess tats true...Sumtimes i jus wanna let go tied of protectin it but i jus cant my heart dvoted on him..to certain circumstances if it deteriorates i guess i hav to learn to let go...thou it hurts but its beta..its for e happiness of sumone whom i dunt wish to hurt...neva in e past expected tat i wud fall for sumone again..but i did once again...jus tryIng to heal frm e past n now i guess its granulating again..im left with a hanging feeling...Love is full of pure misery....Love means able to sacrifice... I hope ters a solution to evry obstacles tats goin on

GerOnz

2005-10-24T20:22:00.000+08:00

mY first day at GerOn posting...it was kinda bored initially...Os Lots of tings is being restricted for us to do...Basically i was jus plainly wondering aimlessly in e ward...Its a very big ward...I was in chrge to a B2 extended ward..Lokin aft 6 patients..Sum are dementia..Its fun to be wit elderly but we r onli allowed limited room of opportunities for us to broaden ourself...Ive been always wanted to nurse elderly patient onli...Here i am in e dsignated hospital meant for tem...Unfortunately tere was nutin much to it...

Back home..it was drizzling ...i jus dashed thru e rain... i was fortunate enuff by e time i reached...e rain was pouring like waterfall...Had my shower ten heading to e shop to cut my hair woOohOo... nOw i feel so light...but e sadest part is e length of my hair uwakzzz now shorter....ermmm tot of rebonding my hair but sumone say not nice..ermmm...how abt if i curl up my hair..*thinking* does it suits me..i guess i shud try it Out ten i know e results...ermm mItb shud go tis fri to curl my hair ...Cant wait to c e result...lalala tamplong....

2005-10-23T03:15:00.000+08:00

arGgGh... Jus pissed off...kata saKit suruh rehat tak nak...makan ubat pun tak nak...Sakit2 masih leh chat...naNti kata rasa tak sdaP badan...biLa kta nasIhat tak nak dgr..Nanti kata kta ngomel pulakz..Dgilz nauzubilah bin zaLiq..yesH i admit tatt im also a bloody stubborn person...but im not medication compliance...I know wen to be stubborn...Its not tat i wanna control u or wat so ever...NamanYa sYg obviously u care for e person rite..kasi nasihat at least kalo tak g doc makan panadol it wud help to ease e pain...kaLo pun i marah.. itu tandanya syg kan .,..kaLo dah tak marah org dah tak peduli itu dah takdernya tanda syg...Up to u lah...like wat u say kalo org dgil buat bodoh jer...but im sorie tats not my way...KaLo smua org dgil tgh sakit i buat bodoh tak sembuh lah drg...tere wud be a tremendous incline of death rate in spore...

Kdg2 nasihat kan org mcm gni..ended up kta yg sakit ati...daH nyata nya we care for tem no matter how hurting we will still wunt stop blabering gving advise...Sumtimes i jus dunt know ...we care for ppl so much...did tey care for us??Sumtimes all e efOrt we put on jus being put off dwn to e drain...I guess its beta to jus keep our mouth shut...tat wud be e best solution...

LeaVe Get OuT

2005-10-23T00:42:00.000+08:00

get out (leave),right now
it's the end of you and me
it's too late(now) and i can't wait for you to be gone
cause i know,about her(who),andi wonder(why)
how i bought all the lies you said that you would treat me right
but you was just a waste of time

tell me why you're lookin' so confused
when i'm the one who didn't know the truth
how cold you ever be so cold?
you go behind my back and call my friend
boy you must have gone and bumped your head
because you left her number on your phone

(so now after all is said and done) maybe i'm the one to blame but,
(to think that you could be the one) well it didn't work out that way

get out(leave),right now
it's the end of you and me
it's too late(now),and i can't wait wait for you to be gone
cause i know,about her(who),and i wonder(why)
how i bought all the lies you said that you would treat me right
but you was just a waste of time

i wanted you right here with me
but i have no choice you gotta leave
because my heart is breakin'
with every word i'm sayin'
boy i gave up everything i had
on somethin' that just wouldn't last
but i refuse to cry
no tears will fall from these eye-eye-eyes,ooh noo...

feeLinG taT r jUs beIn VomIted Out

2005-10-22T23:53:00.000+08:00

In tis Lonely laNd
Tere Live a Confused and naIve GaL
aInt sUre her pathway Of life..
aLways HoPin For e beSt in Life..
bUt aLways vIce versa frM it
BeinG trUthfuL n hOnest..
Its her nOrm.....
bEinG hurt bY othas N beIng fOol ard..
Its hOw ppl treaTed her oUt of her sIncerity..
hUmaNs by naTure jUs wunt apReciate e persOn tiL tey r vaNish
Jus wOnder whY must we waIt tILL teY vanish ten to be aPrecIated..
tO buiLd uP a trUst is e hardesT...
waT dO u undasTand by e wOrd trUst??
Can U xplaIn it tO me??
I neD sUm xplaInatiOn here...
I juS cUdnt trUst meN ...
HisTory Jus keP On rePeaTinG...

MotvatIOn

2005-10-21T22:05:00.000+08:00

Courage - U cannOt dscOver Unless u hav e Courage tO Lose sIght Of e sHore

Passion - TerE r maNy tIngs In Life taT wiLL catCh ur eYes , buT onLia few
wiL caTch ur heart - pursue teM

Persistent - In e confrontatIon btw e sTream n e rOck , e streaM awlways wIns..
nOt thrU strNgth but thrU persIstence..

RisK - Tere arE nO shOrt cuTs to anY places taT wOrth gOin

SucCes - SucCes is a JourneY not a DesTnaTiOn

Last day in My home GroUnd

2005-10-21T20:32:00.000+08:00

Phewww...FinaLLy left wit one more posting n here im graduating soon in 3 weeks time..woOohOoo....Cant wait to start werkin...Need tO save up money for e fUture...

Woke up abt 3 30 in e mornin to make jemPut2 for e patient to have sum farewel party for tem today...Yawnz here i am sleepy aint enuff sleep...Everyting was well manageable durin e party time...tey enjoyed it vry much esp e food...We have sum leftover...which we saved it to gve to our fav ward...we wEnT back to tat ward...wOoohooo we reali feel at home...Sn Imran incharge for e day ..I like..hahaha... we came in n manage to mingle ard wit temm...we even specially bought for tem sum crackers... I reali gonne miss tem and ehem ehem e staff tooo lolz...wah lau so e gatalz ...haha..we cudnt spent much time wit tem cos we r considered unoficial visitors..Tanx to Sn Imran to allow us to spent at least sum time wit tem...The saddest ting is my fav apek was admitted to AH cos he had a fall...i reali missed him haiz...

Chronic ward is betta tan acute in terms of buildin rapport...Chronic pt are more stabilize n a lil bit rational...Howeever acute more to sudden occurence whereby tey r more aggresive n unstable mood...We hav to be xtremly alert as tey may react within split second wo u knowin it...Therefore being a psychiatric nurse u must b very vigilant...Haizz tats wat im goone be in one mth time...I reali hope i cud get e rquested ward..Dunt mind doin lots of nursin care for e elderly... at least i can specialise myself under geriatic ward wooOohOo..lookin aft eLderly...I wanna gain as much xperience possible...

fasTinG

2005-10-19T20:20:00.000+08:00

Inner Dimensions of Fasting 10/17/2005 - Religious - Article Ref: IC0311-2133Number of comments: 11 By: Imam Abu Hamid Al-GhazaliIslamiCity* -
Reported on the authority of Sahl bin Sa'ad that the Prophet said, "Jannah has an entrance by the name of Ar-Rayyaan which is exclusively reserved for the fasting individuals. On the Day of Judgment, they will be called to pass through this entrance, after which it will be closed behind them and no one else will be allowed to use it."

It should be known that there are three grades of fasting:

Ordinary fasting. Abstaining from food, drink and sexual satisfaction.

Special fasting. Keeping one's ears, eyes, tongue, hands and feet-and all other organs-free from sin.

Extra-special fasting. Fasting of the heart from unworthy concerns and worldly thoughts, in total disregard of everything but Allah.

See not what displeases Allah:
A chaste regard, restrained from viewing anything that is blameworthy or reprehensible, or which distracts the heart and diverts it from the remembrance of God. The Prophet, said: "The furtive (secret) glance is one of the poisoned arrows of Satan, on him be God's curse. Whoever forsakes it for fear of God, will receive from Him, Great and Gracious is He, a faith the sweetness of which he will find within his heart." Jabir relates from Anas that God's Messenger, on him be peace, said: "Five things break a man's fast: lying, backbiting, scandal mongering, perjury and a lustful gaze."

Speak no evil:
Guarding one's tongue from twaddle, lying, backbiting, scandal mongering, obscenity, rudeness, wrangling and controversy; making it observe silence and occupying it with remembrance of Allah and with recitation of the Quran. This is the fasting of the tongue. Sufyan said: "backbiting vitiates the fast." Layth quotes Mujahid as saying: "Two habits vitiate fasting: backbiting and telling lies." The Prophet said: "Fasting is a shield; so when one of you is fasting he should not use foul or foolish talk. If someone attacks him or insults him, let him say: 'I am fasting, I am fasting!'

" Hear no evil:
Closing one's ears to everything reprehensible; for everything unlawful to utter is likewise unlawful to listen to. That is why Allah equated the eavesdropper with the profiteer " (They like to) listen to falsehood, to devour anything forbidden" (Quran 5: 42).

Do not:
Keeping all other limbs and organs away from sin: the hands and feet from reprehensible deeds, and the stomach from questionable food at the time for breaking Fast. It is meaningless to Fast -- to abstain from lawful food - only to break one's Fast on what is unlawful. A man who Fast like this may be compared to one who builds a castle but demolishes a city. Lawful food injurious in quantity not in quality, so Fasting is to reduce the former. A person might well give up excessive use of medicine, from fear of ill effects, but he would be a fool to switch to taking poison. The unlawful is a poison deadly to religion, while the lawful is a medicine, beneficial in small doses but harmful in excess. The object of Fasting is to induce moderation. Said the Prophet, on him be peace: 'How many of those who Fast get nothing from it but hunger and thirst!' This has been taken to mean those who break their Fast on unlawful food. Some say it refers to those who abstain from lawful food, but break their Fast on human flesh through backbiting, which is unlawful. Others consider it an allusion to those who do not guard their organs from sin.

Avoid overeating:
Not to over-indulge in lawful food at the time of breaking Fast, to the point of stuffing one's belly. There is no receptacle more odious to God, Great and Glorious is He, than a belly stuffed full with lawful food. Of what use is the Fast as a means of conquering God's enemy and abating appetite, if at the time of breaking it one not only makes up for all one has missed during the daytime, but perhaps also indulges in a variety of extra foods? It has even become the custom to stock up for Ramadan with all kinds of foodstuffs, so that more is consumed during that time than in the course of several other months put together. It is well known that the object of Fasting is to experience hunger and to check desire, in order to reinforce the soul in piety. If the stomach is starved from early morning till evening, so that its appetite is aroused and its craving intensified, and it is then offered delicacies and allowed to eat its fill, its taste for pleasure is increased and its force exaggerated; passions are activated which would have lain dormant under normal conditions.The spirit and secret nature of Fasting is to weaken the forces which are Satan's means of leading us back to evil. It is therefore essential to cut down one's intake to what one would consume on a normal night, when not Fasting. No benefit is derived from the Fast if one consumes as much as one would usually take during the day and night combined. Moreover, one of the properties consists in taking little sleep during the daytime, so that one feels the hunger and thirst and becomes conscious of the weakening of one's powers, with the consequent purification of the heart.

One should let a certain degree of weakness carry over into the night, making it easier to perform the night Prayers (tahajjud) and to recite the praises (awrad). It may then be that Satan will not hover around one's heart, and that one will behold the Kingdom of Heaven. The Night of Destiny represents the night on which something of this Kingdom is revealed. This is what is meant by the words of God, Exalted is He:

'We surely revealed it on the Night of Power.' [Quran 97:1]Anyone who puts a bag of food between his heart and his breast becomes blind to this revelation. Nor is keeping the stomach empty sufficient to remove the veil, unless one also empties the mind of everything but God, Great and Glorious is He. That is the entire matter, and the starting point of it all is cutting down on food.

(Excerpt from "Inner Dimensions of Islamic Worship", a compilation of Imam Abu Hamid Al-Ghazali's works)

mIss tat waRd

2005-10-19T17:00:00.000+08:00

heyLu.....haha i miss u bLoggy...kinda tired yestday so unable to update...basicallY im damn tired n sleepy...as u know e journey frm my hse to tat place is killing me ...I hav to wake up xtra earli to reach tere on time...It tired me more esp now fasting month...oOo gosh...wen will tis end...

aneway today nuttin much happenin in e ward ....I am attached to a fmale ward tis time round..This is my third day there...We get to build rapport wit tem thou its a short term basis...Today we planned out to hav our structured actvities to be assess..Ooo gosh damn tired everynOw n ten ive been reminded taT im bonded there...It jus stress me up...Basically wat we did was...art n craft...but tis time round we planned out to do potato stamping thou it sounds like childish but its a form of arts...tey realli njoy doin it...The outcome was superb...Tey r vry creative its way byond wat we thought...as fOr me im attached to maziLi ...Shes adorable,smart n vry creative...Initialy we onli planned to do e stamping ...Therfor aft a while i find it bored ..I dcided to sprinkle e color on e drawing sheet ...Guess wat it turned out to be a wondaful piece of art...We play a game ..who able to blow e paint evenly will win a prize..thOu itsvry messy but tey reali njoy e moment...Tis able tem to distract tem frm any thought of hallucination n delusion..

earLi afternoon bfore lunch ...my colleaques n me dcided to lead e exercise cum dance ...we let tem control e show...Tis is to let tem feel tat tey have a sense of value in tem...we started off with a simple move ten we move on to a fast rhythm...Lolz it jus make me luff to c how tey react to e move...tey r cute...vry partcpative...majority of tem njoy music n dance... mUsic is to initiate therapeutic environment..hOw i wish i cud post teir video wen tey dance...too bad i cant its confdential...

haIzZzZ... no matter wat... i still miss my chronic ward posting...I reali njoy spending my time wit tem..thou teres a lot of risk we hav to face but its more njoyable...Tey r fun to be with ...Cute and adOrable...Imran told me tat my fav apek had a fall...he looks like a panda...lolz...but e apek stil wit his bogeh smiile...I reali miss him...How i wish i cud jus go back to e ward to be with tem..Im gonna request for tat ward upon my graduation..I dunt mid werkin wit male staff too..

baD daY

2005-10-17T22:23:00.000+08:00

waT a daY tOday...earLy mOrnin feeL Like cryIng haIz...lost my wallet on my way to werK...As usual im always forgetfull and careless tere is my bigest problem im suferin ...Ooo gosh wats happenin to me...I onlie tend tO realise tat i lost my purse weN we werE oN our waY up to e ward..As usuaL earLi mOrnin Im kInda blurred sotOng..mOnday blUes..at fIrst i Jus tOt tat its sUmwhere In mY baG ..I jus need to Dig it to search..aS soon as I reacH to e rOOm to put our baG...I realised after DginG it thoRoughly mY purse was Not tere..OoO gosh i panic for a moment..Initially i tOt it was Ros n waTi whO hide It..Cos tey like tO plaY praNks on me..as usual tey knOw i wunt get angry neither am i senstve of tey dsturb me...aFter much persuasion askin tem to return teY deny tat tey took it...frm teir xpressiOn i Know tat tey reaLi didnt toOk it...I began tO search all over agaIn...tey helped me out in searching...Fnally i ten realised its for real tat my purse hav dropp sumwhere on my way to werk...feel like cryin cOs all e precious stuff are in tat purse...esP pics of mY grannY n mY darLing..waT fear me e mOst is mY ic,aTm neTs,ez Link n mY mum visa Card...Damn i was panicked like hell...Immediately caLLed Up e bank to freeze aLL my cards...Make a report to e transitlink indcatiNg lost of cards..its so troublesome..Its jus brG me dwn earli in e mornin tis tinG happeNed...Luckily my dearie able tO comfort me...If not i wudnt have known wat to do...My brain is totaLLy locked ..Cudnt tink strait...

He reali comfort me..Convince it to me tat for sure sumone will return it back to me...be patience and for sure e outcome to be gd...I guess aLLah here my prayers esp in buLan Ramadhan..I pray hard tat sumone will return it to me and yes ters tis hamba allah return it to to seranggoon bus interchg control office...Tanx goodness I reali owe tis person sumting..I hope aLLaH will repay his kindness...

aft one prob dwn...anOther prOb was up..haizz...Late afterNoon ...chat wit him...feelings of guilty ,ashamed jus crashed on me..I jus dunno where to start...I realised i reali make a vry big damn mistake...I shud have told him my past bfore we moved on to e nxt level...Im reali2 vry sorie dear...Thou he forgve me for wat happened in e past but e feelin of guilt is still tere...I cudnt imagine how am i goin to face him later wen we meet...Im so ashamed of maself jus feel like digging hole and covered maself up ...Wudnt know how to react upon meetin him..I understand how it feels therfore im willin to take any risk if anetin hapen btw us..its not easy for him to face it...ya aLLah wat have i done...I regret wat i did....I feel like im jus a low lying creature...Its so nice of him to accept me for who am i...thOu i know its hard for him to accept it...Tanx u reali touch my heart...I vow to maself not to do all tis nonsense stuff again xcept my loved ones onli...

Ya allah berikan lah ku ptunjuk kejalan yg benar dan berikanLah kU kekuatan utk mneMpUhi jaLan hidUp yg redhai...amPunilah dosa hamba mu ini sesUnggUhnya kO maHa pgaMpUn dan pyaNyang terhadap umat mu yg tdaK putus membuat ksilaPan...

2005-10-17T00:42:00.000+08:00

The sweetest notes among the human heart-strings are dull with rust;
The sweetest chords, adjusted by the angels, are clogged with dust;
We pipe and pipe again our dreary music upon the self-same strains
While sounds of crime, and fear, and desolation, come back in sad refrains

On through the world we go, an army marching with listening ears,
Each longing, sighing, for the heavenly music he never hears;
Each longing, sighing, for a word of comfort, a word of tender praise,
A word of love, to cheer the endless journey of earth's hard, busy days.

abOrTiOn..

2005-10-17T00:08:00.000+08:00

earLi afternoon it jus haPpen tat i came across an article regarding abt abortion...waT is abOrtiOn????Hows e process?? SIde effext?? Do you all know tat in tis new era as yung as 12 yrs old goin for abortion...Tat is so shocking...Usually back in olden days abortion was being banned..However tings hav chged it became more like a daily norms...I wondered wat is happening to tis world..It reali fills up wit all those filthy stuff...Abortion was like nuttin to tem...Do you all know...u r killing innocent ppl...Abortion is a painfull process whereby a procedure short for e dilation of the cervix and e introduction of e curette...The babys body is cut apart piece by piece in the womb, then reassembled after removal to be sure there are no pieces left in the mother's womb...Tis is wat i meant killing innocent ppl....Its dift issue wen u hav to abort e baby due to certain medical problem but if u r jus aborting it for e sake of not preparing to hav e baby u r jus plainly cruell ...

2005-10-14T20:28:00.000+08:00

Went out tis aft to orchard..jus winndow shoppin nuttin much actuali...e place reali bored me...waLk n walk one round nuttin much tat atrax out attention...went tO heeren nuttin much ...Haizzz....teN we head dwn to lucky plaza...Nesak wanna buy sandal..we weNt to heatwave..wOoOhoo... both of us like e same saNdal... im atracted to e white n black...haha im gonna geddit on my pay day...nOw cannot buy...kena warning by Mak ...If not shes gonna throw all my stuff...Uwakzzz...nvm 2 more weeks to pay day...be patience...

We then wen dwn to Far east ..It was raining cats n dogs initially...however we manage to go over... waLk passed mrs fields cookies..ooO gosh tempted to eat e chocolate cookie...Uwakzz luckily i am fastin if not i wud hav bought it...aiyOoO now ngidam e cookies uwakkzzzz...k stop abt e cookies its jus make me drooling...We went to basement haiz nuttin much also..no nice clothes to be bought so lame...everywhere we go it seems so dull..hMmm wat is hapenin to orchard HUh??e only ting tat atrax me is e CHAOS shop...haha i love e pants..Im goonna buy it but not tis mth..Soon2 nak ngendeng ngan Mak to buy for me hehe...after touring ard we got bord decided to go back...

Now here am i at home lazing ard in ma bed..haiz havin tis headache rit now..suits me well... too lazy to take out umbrellah jus now...my mind jus sidetrack for a while tinking shud i go n sleep over my mum hse on sunday hmm...i will reconsider..Ok Lah tats all for e nitz tata titi tutu....

My birth personality hits a bull's eye.. it spells ME!!

2005-10-14T19:25:00.000+08:00

Loyal -> SticK to one Tats me
Generous -> haha yeaH to generous until ppl take adv of it
Sexy -> aInt sure abt tat...aM i??
Patriotic -> oOo gosh if anetin happen im e first to run away Lolz
Active in games and interactions -> baNzaI... U hit e spot
Impatient and hasty -> imPatient sumtimes hasty totaly not me..
Ambitious -> yUpz tats me... One day i will be wat i want...
Influential in organizations -> Can say so i am gd in tat...
Fun to be with -> yeaH i will be fun to e person who is not stuck up
Loves to socialize -> yesh tats my life
Loves praises -> hMmM reali mei...Like no dift like tat
Loves attention -> woOohoo yeah attention onli to my granny jer
Loves to be loved -> hehe i guess everyone loves to be loved rite
Honest -> tats my motto in life...aint like to lie if its e fact
Trustworthy -> yesh its a nature of me
Not pretending -> hate pretending prefer to be str8 forward tats me
Short tempered -> Sumtimes ah onli once in blue moon if u snap my wire
Changing personality -> oOo gosh not me i dunt hav personality disorder
Not egoistic -> yupz tats 100% true abt me
Take high pride in oneself -> haha i guess so...

2005-10-13T22:47:00.000+08:00

Confused... Jus cant tink of e solution to e problems..emotions jumble up...am I at fault of tis prob...am i to be blame for wat happen...am i doing e rit ting...Its jus keep on racing in ma mind...Ya aLLah berikan lah ptunjuk pada hamba mu ini yg ingin pertolongan mu...Each day its jus keep on playin in ma mind... Im jus scared of e outcome...Why must it always happened to me...Am i faited to xperience e same obstacles over n over again...Im jus lost in tis lonely world...

As i lay back moment ago ...I guess im missing sumone...sumone who reali touch ma heart ...bUt cant drift to my emotions it will destroy maself.....wondering am i choosin e rt path again... Jus hopin its e rt direction of ma life...

Time flies by vry fast ...2 weeks dwn...morning sift all e way...woOohoo..Im kinda missin my pt...tey r so cute n adorable.,,but aint no choice i hav to be posted to e acute ward..Im gona miss all of tem ..thou sumtimes tey r agrsive but tey r helpful if u need help...e main keypoint its build rapport wit tem..tey will for sure listen to u...I guess upon november i will rquest to be permaneent in tat ward...I love e envronment... e Staff reali treats u will accept a few spoilz brat...but its ok i dunt mind...for e SN he reali helped n guide me alot..i realli apreciate u...U took so much effort to guide thru thick n tin wit me...tankieu for ur generous help...

2005-10-12T11:52:00.000+08:00

Nuttin much was done at werk.. As usual e daily routine...Today im extra careful cos of e incidence tat happened few days back...Kinda shock but i have to be brave abt tis...Cos i will be werkin tere for 2 yrs..Jus imagine Ooo gosh...I hope it will be good....Basically all e staff r nice except 2 rotten ones..As usual everywhere we werk for sure ters sum rotten idiot...E malay staff nurse is perfectly very e nice to me...He reali taught me a lot of stuf...He gave me motvation to werk in e hospital...He even gav me e chance to write report n e best part is he teach me e mdicatrions allowed me to count aft chg of shift n serving...So nice of him..Tankieu for ya guidance ..I reali apreciate it ... Compare to e rest he is e best... reali treat me like staff.. jOke along we reali build rapport vry fast...Njoy werkin wit him...

As for today... Yusry sing for me a song...wah Lao so touching...i record his voice frm tere n ten im awre hes reali missing his mum n family..Unfortunately none of tem came...his mum oredi passed away ...sad to hear... Jus now went out break our fast at geylang...walk n walk trying to search kuih baulu...Tot of buying for tem...Pnat tawaf but haprakz takder ...So sad cant buy for tem...haizzz....teir fav kuih which i cant fulfiled to gve tem,,...

Ok Lor tats all for today nitz2...aSSaLamuaLaikum

2005-10-09T22:42:00.000+08:00

Chakz Im bak again...haha im bored here i am again updatin...Jus came bak frm trawih .. Wat a coincidence met my ex primary sch mate at masjid..Shahirah...shes a mummy now ...wOw shukur alhamdulila anak dah2..feel sO happy for her ..She look dift i cudnt even rcognize her...haha shes e one who aproach me..Ooo gosh wat a small word..lost touch for abt more than 8 yrs i guess...Shes married to a firefighter...aLhamdulilah..Shes vry happy...Im happy for her too...her daughter so cute feel like ggit e pp...haiz ishh so e gramz..aneway she left early cos her anak uat ragam..hehe biasa lah tuh kalo dah ada anak...

I guess tats aLL for today ...SLamat maLamz aSSaLamuaLaikum...

2005-10-09T14:37:00.000+08:00

fEEL KInda tired...Came bk home abt 5 am tis mornin.haha ...Granny was standing at e door, Gve me a fright..She cudnt sleep..Shes waitin for me..Haiya felt so bad lei..Im sorri MAk...nxt time dunt wait for me k..Love u..I quickly make maself milo n bread for sahur..I doze offf till 8am..Force maself to sleep but i jus cants..Ishhh...am I sufferin frm sleepin disorder..Goshh....

wEeEEeee fInally fNish puttin a new coat of color to my entire hse... Felt satisfied at last... i Love ma rOom new fresh of color fnally...It reali took me two weeks to finish painting tis hse...im tired thou but satisfied wit e outcome..Tanx to my uncle who hav been heLping me..hMmm nutin much for today..aRgGhh Today i hav to cook ..as a Punishment i didnt call up Uwakkzzz *sadder* Thinking wat shud i cook...HmMm brain dead aint knowin wat to cook...

2005-10-08T04:29:00.000+08:00

aSSaLamualaikum Dunia...

woke up xxtremely earli ..haha cos i sleep earli too tired in e brain...I didnt even read ma book ...Ooo gosh... Woke up 3 am...cudnt sleep back... felt so bored ...end up washing clothes...Get ready tings for sahur...hehe nak amik hati lah katakan...NaNi majokz smalam so tis is e onli way to make her happy... Im sorie Nani...Not tat i dunt want eat...i Luv ur cookin..I jus aint no apetite...Im sorie k... Sahur nanti Noi makan...Jgnla majuk...Tak shiok lah...

Today not werking...wEeeeeEe yahOOo... after for 3 weeks hav to werk on sat..Fnally im off on sat...HmmMm still aint no plan... Mitb jus laze at home help out in cookin or jus fnish up ma book...hMmm anybody if got any plan jus msg me...tOt of goin geylang to check out e place...Hmmm lets c abt it...yeahhh yeahh sun nak g kubur insyallah kalo Cik sari not werkin...haiz hope e plan werkz...ok Lah tats all for tis mornin ...wiLL updat again later

SlePy

2005-10-07T21:32:00.000+08:00

Sleepy day...Totally brain dead...mY body at werk ..mY heart n soul totaLly was out sumwhere..I was like a zombie.. Cudnt tink stait...Today actuali nuttin much to be done accept in serving medcation...Serve until i go bonkers on e medication...U hav to memoriz all tose stupids effects n side effects of e psychotropic drugs...Basicall whole day ...wat i did was... Doin art n craft... Playing checkers wit tem...Interact wit tem undastand teir feelin...N study wat teir drawings all abt... Its interesting thou... Basically werkin tat environment u r mentally tired bcos u hav to b alert all e time... Sumtimes i jus feel like crying lookin at teir condtion jus cunt imagne wat if it happen to my own relatves..wiLL tey be abandoned or discreet by e society..tIs community need to chg teir mindset rgardin mental illness...tey shud be more supportve rather tat discriminate tem..Ok tats all at werk...

Back in sch... e journey took an hr ..i even manage to read ma BoOk Da vInci Code...been bz lately no time to read...e story its geting intresting each day thou its more on christianity ...who cares ..wat imp most is e baseline of e story tat im intrested. esP e code n e pics. Vry kewl...Cant wait to fnish reading..I gues i need 2 wks to fnish It ..reaLi aint no time..I shall get a new book soon...hmmm ..

It Hurtzzz...

2005-10-05T19:07:00.000+08:00

I felt like ive been stabbed in ma heart...
It hurts deeply...
Cudnt believe its happening to me..
It jus tear into pieces n shattered..
Nva xpected tat he will did tis
I guess im beIng to guLible
mY hart jus scattered Cudnt be replaced
Ringing beLL in ma head telling me..
Stop being so humble n nice
I cant its jus not me...
Juz cudnt erased wat hapen within split moment
Nutin more ive asked as a fwen...Dunt btray my trust...
It reali punched thru wen u lied to me..
wHy dId u Lie??Why??
I aint controlg anetin...I know wher i stand..
U can juz simply say U got plan..
It hurtz me more wen u say ur werking
So called *reski*
Im such a blody full to believe ..
Praying for ya strngth n wellness
It is such a waste for wat i pray for..
I wudnt be botha to whom n wher u goin
Coz im nobody to restrict u ...
Im juz a fwen to u..
I guess Gods know me well aint wanna be a fool...
An angel was sent helpin tis low lying human who is always gulible ...

~@~@ aLwaYs apreciate sUmones PreseNce in Life ~@~@
~@#@ beHind evRy LaUghter n smiLe teRs aLways a HidDen mIsery ~@#@

Bila Rindu

2005-10-05T17:51:00.000+08:00

D kamar awan yg kelabu
Seakan ku hilGkan rindu
MemBwa kNangan Smalam
Swaktu beSamamu

Trasa Indahnya dunia
Sesaat kta masih bersama
Tempuhi knaGan yg siLam
Mbuatku terLena

Bila rindu..Ku sebut namamu
Bila resah.. mYesak di dada
Bila rindu ..Ku panggil namamu
Bila resah.. Gelisa terasa

KemaNa hati ini kaN ku bawa

Ko kU nant dhujung rindu
DaN btemu dI dLm khaYalan
Kan Ku naNt pUncaK Rasa
Asmara cinta membakar jiwa

Ku berikan hati ini...
Kepadamu Kekasihku

h

2005-10-04T20:17:00.000+08:00

Jus sick n tired of living..I wudnt be bothered to even vsit u if not bcos of naufal..Im not trying to be disrespectful.. try to undastand my stuation...Dunt keep on pesterin n iritate me ...It wudnt chg my mind ...U can say im a blody stubborn gal..Yes i am.... Like i always said my grandparents cums first...tey r e one who brought me up thru tick n thin...Juggling teir time wit teir own children but tey still able to look after me till now.. waT abt both of u??wat u did?? U guys dunt even visit me...aLL e lame xcuses evrytime busy wit werk..outstation wat eva craps... cant even spare a moment wit me..Tis is wat u call u care for me ...I dunt tink so... neither do u spare a few mins to call me ..Asking my wellness...Do u tink its fair for me to jus leave tem wo rpaying teir kindness... Tey nver once complain tird of looking aft me thou tey r sick nor shortage of cash to educate...Tey always by all means will try teir best to fill up my loneliness... Pls dunt try to bullshit wit me... No matter wat i know my responsibilty dunt u wory ..u r still my parents.. But to bad like i always said my grandparents always e first line in ma heart...

God has reali been protectin me n gve me all e strength to go on wit tis world of life whisch is full of jealousy,hatred ,misery etc...I will jus pray hard to hold on ma life hopin it wud be beta each day...God pls send sum angel to guide me thru tis filthy world...I reali need e guidance to lead my life..I aint wanna be roten in tis life...

Behind evry Laufter n sMiLe teres aLways a hiddeN misery

2005-10-03T18:45:00.000+08:00

aS usual Im late AGAIn lolz...Ksian JuLi she waited for me for abt 30 mins at Pasir Ris... Today my 1st day attach to my home grd..Feeling of anxiety,scared,hapiiness etc overcome me...Cant picture maself werkin in tat place...Heard lots of stories rgarding e place...Thou no matter wat its at my pwn risk chosin tat place..Aneway we shud put tat stigma off frm tis typical human being...tey shud be supportive n not discreet tem...Thou at first im ashame of my home grd..I ten realised tat i shud b proud of werkin in tat environment cos not every1 got a chance to work tere..

We had our orientation damn bored fall asleep ten kna warnin ...As usual i was called out...Bla bLa bLa.... my unform was too short lah...my hair color lah...hair not tied up lah... wat so eva crap..Spoil my mood...

Wen up to e ward ...i was posted to e male ward.. 95% case of Schiz....heart thumping fast like a train... But after setling dwn i felt beta..tey Look normal... Im even atracted to tis pt (abg fazli) ..Hes so cute ..nice features... bUt too bad he suffered frm paranoid sChiz..I reali pity him teN tis apek hmm forgot his name..hes a urine drinker (Yux) almost puke..teres a lot of tings to learn... I reali build rapport wit tem... Felt so great...i was able to communicate wit tem wit no difficulty...I realy begin to like e place thou its stale env ++++... I cant wait to start werk ... bUt e onli prob is jus imagne 1 SN and 1 An running two sides each containg 48 pt.... Gosh it reali freaked me up aft tat Sn told me to be prepared for e worst..

Lets stop abt tat...i will update more rgarding my posting in tat chronic ward..Hmmm overall i felt today wondaful monday neva had tis feelin for a vry long time...Ystday I went gatherin to Papa Ip (plaza bowling)..fnalli meet aidil..miss him so much...after abt aprox a yr didnt meet himm... So chuby ...Cant help i jus keep on kissin him...Lolz... ..teN we went for an early dinner... As usual i didnt eat...Fnally moved off abt 7... wondafull gatherin...
Ten went to watch movie Dark water... Not tat scary tat i xpected but ovwerall not bad a lot of suspen... end Up wen i reached home so scared to go toilet..endEd up hav to wake my granny to accompany me..Lolz... (biasaLah pnakut besar) Tats all for today n yestday....

htOughts of Life

2005-10-02T11:49:00.000+08:00

Strive hard to fight my destiny of Life...
Aint sure how to get it right
ToleRate wit oBstacles
Persevere is e key pt of ma life
Misery cUms aLong
DeaL with positve mindset
Jus cUdnt get away abT e past
Rgret for wat ever Happens
Felt vry useless in Life
turn Out to be pessImist
Instead Of oPtimist...
Mixed feeling tumble over me
wat sHud i do ???
I need sum break of ma life

I hate e feeLin Of guilty

2005-09-30T16:21:00.000+08:00

I was down al e way towards e end of my shift...Bz tired fnally end of our posting in tat bloody ward...Fark up wit e staff n sister... aneway its a gd experience dealing wit tem...I guess tis make me be a better pason to deal wit tis situation wen im werkin in tis November...Tell ya e truth aint prepare...Cos i wunt know how wud it be in my home grd...

Apart frm ward ...teres otha tings tat link to my feelings today...I felt vry miserable...I know i shudnt say all tose craps...I reali rgret for wat happen...Didnt xpect it to turn out tat way...I shud hav jus shut my bloody mouth up...It was actuali jus plain lame craps talkning nonsense which ten create to a dift atmosphere of misunderstanding n communication breakdown i sense..Anyway to whoever it may concern ..i wud like to apologize for wateva i said...im vry2 sorie if like wat u said i talk behind ur back...wich e fact was im jus talking craps wich i dunt meant it...e feeling of regret n guilty almost pull me to e grd... Damn i reali hate tis feelin...Im reali vry sori... If u reali tinks tat i talk bhind ur back...Jus tell me i will try to compensate e mistake tat ive done..

Another ting i wanna highlight.... pls dunt test my patience or u will be so sorie for wat it accounts for...Im willing to tolerate all craps but jus put a limit to everyting u do..U will be sorry if it ruptures cos i wudnt be bother to patch it back...

Forget abt all tose craps... Hmmm i tink i shud sleep over yani hse at woodland...to release tos untotful thoughts...Or wud it be beter if i club...Jus cant wait for e day to be Saturday...

BrOken

2005-09-29T23:34:00.000+08:00

I wanted u to know tat
I lov e way u luff
I wanna hold u high n steal ur pain awy
I kep ur photograph
I know it serves me well
I wana hold u high n steal ur pain

Cos im brOken wen im lonesom
N i dunt feel rt wen u r gone away

E worst is Over now
N we can breathe away
I wana Hold u high u steal my pain awy
Ters so much left to learn
N no one left to fight
I wana hold u high n steal ur pain

COs im broken wen im open
N i dunt feel like im stRg enuff
Cos im broken wen Im lonesome
N i dunt feel rit wen ur gone awY

Cos im broken wen im open
N i dunt feel like im Strg enUff
Cos im brOkeN weN im LonesOm
N i dUnt feel rit wen Ur gone awy

Cos im broken weN im lOnesom
N i dunt feel rit wen Ur gone awy
U gone awy,U dunt feel me here anYmore

SIaLan peh pOmpuan

2005-09-28T22:13:00.000+08:00

On ma way bak met m bdk lama... as usuaL jus say hI n bye..naNti tak tgur kata sombong... as usual pompuan suar tuh ada...but i forgve n forget wat happen in e past... dunt wish to scoop up tos stupid tings...Jus tok to nadIm for a wile tanya kabar n how bdk2... as i abt to move off... nabeh peh pOmpuan pukul curi... Suar kan... kO ingat apa fre2 kapa nak rembat aku...ingat puncing bag... Ko nasib ah gal... Lu kira nasib ada Nadim n aku dlm unform...Pnakut peh pompuan dah rembat org lpas tuh cabut..Aku dapat ko... akU rembatz muka ko sampai pcah...aku cari mest cari..pduli apa aku ngan Nadim... member tak member...Ko dah sentuh aku...sNang2 nak lari kaper...PahLa ***** Ko sIap2 byk2 kapas kat umah ah... Ko standby jer muka Ko... Ko nak sgt kan... aku dah lupakan ko masih nak scoop balikkan ...Siap2 jer ...akU kata takder org leh halang aku...Ko JGN INGAT BOLE LEPAS...KO BYK PEH BSAr..BDN DAH MACAM BADAK...

Let me Out

2005-09-28T09:57:00.000+08:00

Im steady tryin find a motve
Why do wat i do?
Fredom aint getin no closer
No matter how far i go
Cuz visitation no longer comes by
Seems like tey forgot about me
Comissary is gting empty
Canot wait to get out n move forward with ma life
Got a family that loves me and wants me to do right
But instead Im here locked up

e Voice

2005-09-27T21:56:00.000+08:00

The voice tat still ringing in ma brain
Aint sure how to respond
Shud i just be honest to him
wUD it be beta i jus keep it to maself
im in e world of confusion
pls send me sum clue
I reali need it ..
Show me sum hint...

beHind evRy lafte terS a HiddeN misErY

bUbYLy me

2005-09-27T21:38:00.000+08:00

Lay back resting maself..Had a wondaful day...Luff n Luff nonstop As Usual me wIt ma craPs..Me wit ma foLish act...Today lOtsa dressIng to be done ..Almost haf dear..DiD sTO...WooOohOoo mY fav esP sUtures..Hahahah e best ting is MaLe pt...Young abt 25 haNsem laKzz...GOshhh.,..maKe mY heart meLt...
waHduh mIang sungguh..Lozl...Reach hOme rest ten weN to Kdai kaK idah...as Usual need to send baJu for tempah...Tis yr...e cOLor will be blue,black,green,creamy brwn ...Yeah2 i like...at least got one dark color tat is black (my fav)...tats aLL for today...ermmm ya lor tadi nak go umah mUmy..but shes not home...Cuma uncle hahah dunt dare to go tere...mItb sat will meet naufal ajak jln2 ker...kaLo mumy tak outz ...

Juz me

2005-09-26T21:49:00.000+08:00

BiLa rindu ku panggil namamu...
BiLa resah gelisa terasa...
Kemanakah hati ini kan ku bawa...

able to drown all my sorrow
able to accept e reality of wat hapeenin
able to gve way
ability to have a sense of freedom
ability to put off fire tat is blazing
willing to appreciate life openly
willing to venture e world bravely
willing to be nurture by angels
willing to chg maself to be a beta person
Forgve n Neva FOrget wat others did to u
Make it a learning pt to every mistake U make
To forgive is everyting n u will have a sense of relief

Road of Life

2005-09-24T16:12:00.000+08:00

trYin to know wats goin on
Devils always watchin me
Evils always stalkin me
God has been protectin me
Cant believe I haV been thrU half e tinGs I been thru
Cos everyday i see a face misconstrued by a human race
So pls dunt judge me unLess u know me
I wunt let u ruin my life
i wunt let u take overcontrol of ma life...
Enuff is enuff
Spare me im jus a human being wit a lonely life
I wud gladly aprreciate u to understand wat i wen thru
I dunt ask for any smpathy frm u ..
Spare me .... Let me feel wat It means by....
Happiness...

Im LosT

2005-09-22T22:18:00.000+08:00

Walking dwn e lonely road
Aint knowin where im heading too
Im loss in tis destiny of life
No guidance to lead e route
Staring blindly in e sky
Wat is e outcome of my life
Any angel to guide me to heaven
Wud it be devil awaiting my arival
Aint Sure of my own pathway
GOd pls send sum1 to lead me to e rt path

Stupid phone call

2005-09-21T11:57:00.000+08:00

Kring Kring Kring...

I rush to pick up e phone...
Shocked plus loss of words hearing e voice
It was Azman..(since abt 5yrs we didnt keep in touch)

"heylo Noi.aPa kabar?"

"alhamdulilah..."

"i saw u at yishun wit a guy...ur guy eh?"

"nope ...wat u want frm me now? aneway none of ur biz to know who is he related to me..me n u jus frens (jus bcos for e sake of my ex bestfwen u r still my fwen ait)

"nah jus missing u wen looking back our past..u look totaly dift frm e person i uesd to know bla bla bla...." (tak kuasa nak dgr)

"ppl chg for e beta..wats so dift of me..im stil e ugly ,fat gal u used to know n make a fool out of it rite."

"im so sori abt wat i said to u last time...i shudnt compaare u with zarina"

"yah rite ..Zarina (my ex bestfwen) ..shes always e guardian angel u love to praise og her intelligence n beauty ..who am i compare to her...

"im so sorie.. i reali regret letiing u off n be wit zarina instead..shes totaly opposite of wat i tot..I reali make a big mistake be wit her.."

"i sympathiz on u...but u hav to move on wit her..U r engaged to her..aNeway cOngrats Az.. Hope u will be happy wit her.."

"i realize tat e person i wanna spent my entire life is u not zarina"

"Pls dunt talk craps with me aitz..Its gd enuff i forgve n forget wat both of u did to me..fool ard my back..wen im bz werkin ..plslah...i sacrifice my lov for my fwen"

"im willing to called of e engagement jus for u"

"dunt talk craps aitz ...i got no time to entertain k...gtg need to do my stuff..bye aSSaLamuaLaikum"

I jus slam dwn e phone...Ooo gosh were e hell he got my no...

keNangaN kU bersaMa mU

2005-09-21T11:43:00.000+08:00

Sufi selaNgkah tirai kasihmu kubuka
EngKo serahkaN cinta HinGGa dirimU tiada
KasiH ko sufi ko rela pLih Drita d dunia
Biar rebah dhina ko tak bRuba

Ko mguasai selautan
Yg tSembunyi dGengaman
Nasib & isbah Ko sandIngkan
Sbagai tali pgaNgGan

SUfi ko hLang dari dpandangan
ada dI dLam kenikmaTan
enGkO daN dIa
pasT tdak aKan tpisaH

Andai tTutup tirai Sufi
Yg trang tdaK naMpak trang
Inilah seksa meNyaKitkaN
Spanjang zaMan

IngIn kU ketUk titIanmu
Dari keKasIh ke KeKasih
PengaBdiaN ku bsaMa mU kasIh
Biar rebah dHina Ko taK BrUbah

Live in tis world wo u

2005-09-20T22:35:00.000+08:00

Lying in ma bed staring at e ceiling..
Tings tat my mum told me keep on playing in ma mind
Went to her hse with high hopes but ended up wit a dwnfall
Tings jus keep on pondering in my mind
Why is tat so..Why it happened to me and not to sum1 else.
Im jus hoping for e best in ma life..
Im determined one day i shall go my way..
Too tired in tis world of life..
Strive so hard for e happiness for sumone but it aint be appreciated
Mayb its jus e nature of me sumone happiness tan mine..
I willing to sacrifice evry bits of maself
Jus dunt betray my trust pls
Hoping my family will undastand my decision but it didnt turn out tat way
Im not running frm my responsibility
Jus askin for a break of ma life to c e dift side of e world
I know wat im doin..Dunt u wory abt me..I can take care of maself
I can fight for ma life ..I will be stonger each day facing all tis shits in ma life
Dunt u forget i hav always being independent wo u ard me
I will always luv u for who u r thou i know u dunt shower me e love wen i need it
One more ting always apreciate sumones presence in life while tey r still alife...
No point regreting wen tey r gone..
Behind every Laughter n sMile teRes aLways a Hidden miserY tat to be kept unknOwn..

2005-09-20T13:06:00.000+08:00

Se7en things that (will) scare me :

Death of my love ones (esp my grandparents tey r my everyting)
Crocroaches esp e female..(can fly ard vry irritating)
Tikus mondok
Cicakz (so e slimy Yux)
Momokz (aneting related to eeri creep sounds )
Dogs
My own futre

Se7en things i like the most :

My grandparents ( mak n bapak )
My lil bro ( Naufal )
My family n frens
Laptop,Mp3,internet,Hp
CHocolates (rocher,toblerone,kinder bueno etc)
Riding,traveLing
Books by (lesley pearse),Magazines,Movie goers

Se7en most important things in my room :

Mirror
Ayat kursi n Quran
Bed (tempat ku beradu)
WarDrobe (teres wHer aLL mY cLothes n aCessOries)
Fan n Light ( my life saver )
VentoLin n Salbutamol
Bear,Bantal bUchuk n perfUme

Se7en random facts about me :

Im a vry stubborn with tonnes of stones in ma head
Regular clubber whom trying to quit but i jus cudnt control
Simple gal who love to live wit simple life
Love to scrub my hse tiLL im satisfied
Perfume bottle collector n cHocolate lover
Love to sit by e seaside @ east coast to release my stress
I Love my grandparents more tan maself..im willing to sacrifice anetin for tem

Se7en things I plan to do before I die :

Make sure my lil bro (naufal ) will have a gd future
Mnjadi seorang wanita soleha
MnunaikaN haJi dan Umrah for e whole family
Go to ma dream country (autralia) for e last
Spent time with ma hubby n kids (kalo ada jodoh)
To be with my loved ones bfore i left to c e dift world
To join e mission to build houses for e unfortunate kids

Se7en things I can do :

One whole day at home scrub my hse n baking cookies yum yum
Laugh non stop till i drop
24hrs with ma lappie
Shopin till i forget e world
Listenin to ma Mp3 n reading e whole day
Spend time wit ma lil bro wo jelak
Dok dgr my grany cita2 abt e past wo jelak

Se7en things I can't do :

Cant sit still... I need to move ard (ontotz ada cacing)*rofl*
Cooking (not tat i cant cook cuma tak pandai je hehe) *lolos*
Cant afford to see my granny crying n worried for me
Cudnt bear to accept e fact tat ppl say "ko sama mcm bapak ko"
Cant live wo my grandma n my bantal buchuk
To hurt my frens feeling (try my best to make tem happy thou im suffering)
Cat abuse (im a cat lover)

Se7en words I say the most :

Asoneh
Bnawi /bnawei
Pahla pantatzla
Mintak kna hempok jer
Masyallah
Nabeh
Alalala meh sNi meh syg (nak pujuk org)

Se7en celeb crushes :

UwakzZz celeB crusHes tarak neh... kaLo crush nGan org biasa adaLah Lolz

Se7en people I'll love to see doing this (names not in order) :

Bebeh Liana
Bebeh Shasha
Bebeh Kisha
Julie
KaK eL
Chikin
Kathy